第1个回答 2011-02-14
1.金鱼
Goldfish
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
斯丹:我赢了 92 条金鱼。
弗雷德:你想在哪儿养它们?
斯丹:浴室。
弗雷德:但是你想洗澡时怎么办?
斯丹:蒙住它们的眼睛!
2.Whose Father Was the Stronger
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, “Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.”
Bill wasn't impressed, “Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!”
威尔和比尔在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。威尔说: “ 喏,你知道太平洋吗?就是我爸爸为它挖的洞。 ”
比尔不屑一顾: “ 噢,那没什么。你知道死海吗?那是我爸爸杀死的。 ”
3.I Need Your Football
George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play? ”
“ No,” said the mother, “it's too cold. ”
“ Well, then, ” said George, “ can his football come out to play ? ”
乔冶敲着他朋友家的门。当朋友的妈妈来应门时,他问:“阿尔伯特可以出来玩吗? ”
“ 不行, ” 那位妈妈说, “ 天气太冷了。 ”
“ 噢,那么, ” 乔冶, “ 他的足球可以出来玩吗? ”
4.Send the Bill to My Father
Doctor: 〃I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.〃
Patient: 〃then send the bill to my father,please.〃
医生:“对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传病。”
病人:“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”
5.我在谈一笔很大的生意
A young business man had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
一个年轻人刚开始做生意,租了一间漂亮的办公室。坐在办公室,他看见一个人从外面走进办公室。装着很忙的样子,他拿起话筒,假装正在跟人谈一笔很大的生意。他从嘴里说出的,都是数目很大的数字,还有口气很大的许诺。
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
最后,他挂上电话,问来访者:“您有什么事吗?”来访者说:“哦,我是来装电话的。”
6. whats puberty(青春期) One evening, in the midst of dinner preparation, our 10-year-old daughter asked, "Mommy, what's puberty?" My wife was rushed at the moment, so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary, after which they could talk about it.
A few minutes later, Peggy returned. Her mother asked what the dictionary had said. "Puberty means," announced Peggy, "the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children."
"What do you think of that?" my wife asked.
"I'm not sure," Peggy relied. "I've always been able to bear children. It's adults I can't bear.".
青春期
一天晚上,在准备晚饭的时候,我们十岁的女儿问:“妈妈,什么是青春期?”我的妻子此时正忙得不亦乐乎,所以她建议佩吉到字典上查这个词,然后她们可以再讨论它。
几分钟以后,佩吉回来了。她妈妈问字典上怎么说。
“青春期的意思是,”佩吉宣布:“一个女孩能忍受孩子的最早年龄。”
“你怎么想呢?”我妻子问。
“我不知道,”佩吉回答。“我总能忍受孩子。让我忍受不了的是大人。
Note: bear children: 生孩子。bear 一词也可作“忍受”讲。
7.The Swimmer
The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
Johnny laughed.
"Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher.
"No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were."
游泳者
老师给同学们讲了一个小故事,说有一个人早饭前要在河里游泳,横渡三趟。
约翰尼笑了。
老师问道:“你不相信一个游泳很好的人可以做到么?”
约翰尼回答说:“不是的,先生,我是不明白他为什么不游四次,好回到他放衣服的那边。”
8.谁签署了独立宣言
A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
He said, "Damn if I know."
She was a little put out(激怒) by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back.
Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe.
She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
"Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't know."
The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that damn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!"
9.Why he couldn't leave?
There was a meeting with a large number of people. At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring. Finally when he was through, there was only one man sitting in the large room.
The speaker walked up to the man and said, "Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room."
"Oh! Don't mention it!" replied the man, "I cannot leave because I am the next speaker."
10.Stupid Question
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口,而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
几个月后,丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了,我要去买一只大钟,把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟,把它挂在了墙上。
"Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?"
“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。可是打那以后,每天仍有许多人停下来,看看钟,然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”
第2个回答 2011-02-10
The Dog And The Shadow 狗和它的影子
A DOG, crossing a bridge over a stream with a piece of flesh in his mouth, saw his own shadow in the water, and took it for that of another Dog, with a piece of meat double his own in size. He therefore let go his own, and fiercely attacked the other Dog, to get his larger piece from him. He thus lost both: that which he grasped at in the water, because it was a shadow; and his own, because the stream swept it away.
一条狗嘴里叼块肉,来到一座桥上.它看见水里有自己的影子, 以为是另一条嘴里也叼着一块比自己那块肉大一倍的狗.它忙丢下自己嘴里的那块肉,猛力地攻击水里的狗.试图去抢它的肉.结果,它两块肉都得不到. 因为那只是一个影子,它自己的影子而已.真正的肉也被水冲走了.
Which do you find more important, money or friends?
B: Friends, of course.
A: Why?
B: I can always borrow money from friends.
钱和朋友
甲:你认为钱和朋友哪一个更重要?
乙:当然是朋友。
甲:为什么?
乙:我总可以从朋友那儿借到钱
HE ANT AND THE DOVE
蚂蚁和鸽子
One hot day, an ant was searching for some water. After walking around for some time, she came to a spring.
To reach the spring, she had to climb up a blade of grass. While making her way up, she slipped and fell into the water.
She could have drowned if a dove up a nearby tree had not seen her. Seeing that the ant was in trouble, the dove quickly plucked off a leaf and dropped it into the water near the struggling ant. The ant moved towards the leaf and climbed up there. Soon it carried her safely to dry ground.
Just at that time, a hunter nearby was throwing out his net towards the dove, hoping to trap it.
Guessing what he was about to do, the ant quickly bit him on the heel. Feeling the pain, the hunter dropped his net. The dove was quick to fly away to safety.
MORAL: One good turn deserves another.
一片树叶,附近掉到了水挣扎着的蚂蚁。蚂蚁走向叶和爬上了。很快就把安全干燥的地面上。
就在这时一个猎人拿出自己的网附近就是对鸽子,希望能陷阱。
猜不透他正要去,蚂蚁迅速咬了他的脚跟。承受着这种痛苦,猎人丢下他的网络。鸽子快飞向安全。
寓意:善有善报。
.A Simple Gesture 举手之劳
Mark was walking home from school one day when he noticed the boy ahead of him had tripped and dropped all of the books he was carrying, along with two sweaters, a baseball bat, a glove and a small tape recorder. Mark knelt down and helped the boy pick up the scattered articles. Since they were going the same way, he helped to carry part of the burden. As they walked Mark discovered the boy's name was Bill, that he loved video games, baseball and history, and that he was having lots of trouble with his other subjects and that he had just broken up with his girlfriend. They arrived at Bill's home first and Mark was invited in for a Coke and to watch some television. The afternoon passed pleasantly with a few laughs and some shared small talk, then Mark went home. They continued to see each other around school, had lunch together once or twice, then both graduated from junior high school. They ended up in the same high school where they had brief contacts over the years. Finally the long awaited senior year came and three weeks before graduation, Bill asked Mark if they could talk.
Bill reminded him of the day years ago when they had first met. "Did you ever wonder why I was carrying so many things home that day?" asked Bill. "You see, I cleaned out my locker because I didn't want to leave a mess for anyone else. I had stored away some of my mothers sleeping pills and I was going home to commit suicide. But after we spent some time together talking and laughing, I realized that if I had killed myself, I would have missed that time and so many others that might follow. So you see, Mark, when you picked up those books that day, you did a lot more, you saved my life."
-John W. Schlatter (true story)
举手之劳简单的动作。
马克放学回家的一天,他注意到那个男孩在他被绊了一下,下降了所有的书他背着,连同两件毛衣,一个棒球棒,真正的手套和一个小录音机。马克跪下来,帮助男孩拾起分散的文章。因为他们将同样的方式,他帮助把部分负担。当他们走马克发现了男孩的名字是比尔,他喜欢电子游戏、棒球和历史,是有很多麻烦,他的其他学科刚刚把,他和他的女朋友分手。他们到达比尔的到家的时间和马克被邀请在为一杯可乐和看一些电视。下午有愉快的通过几笑着一些共享小的谈话,然后马克回家去了。他们还可以互相在学校,一起吃午饭有一两次,然后两毕业于初中。他们最终在同一所高中在他们短暂的接触了数年之久。最后期待已久的高中毕业的那一年毕业前三个星期了,比尔问过马克如果他们会说话的。
比尔提醒他这一天年前在第一次见面了。“你有没有想过为什么我还带了这么多的东西家问比尔。今天过得怎么样?”“你知道,我清空了我的衣物柜,因为我不想离开一团乱为别人做的。我有储存去一些我母亲的安眠药和我将回自杀。但是我们花了一些时间在一起说笑,我意识到,如果我杀了我自己,我会错过了时间,还有那么多其他可能随之而来。所以你看,马克,当你拿起那些书那天,你做的多得多,你救了我的命。”
-John w·Schlatter(真实的故事)