赴美带薪实习，寻求工作，邮件怎么写，需要注意什么？ 下面是我写好的一份，有什么需要改动的吗

Question

Dear Sir or Madam:
I am xx, a junior English major student from xx, China. I am writing to ask for your permission about this request. xxx who received your job offer on March 29th, can not go to Chicago because of her failure to get her visa whereas I still do not get a job for my 4-month work and travel period in America. The time to leave for America is near which is exactly what I am worrying about now. I have turned to xxx and she suggested that she could transform her job offer to me. Could you find this plan acceptable? If you could, I would like to accept the initial conditions of this job such as work payment and accommodation. I would like to ask your permission again. Your soonest reply will be appreciated.
Yours, faithfully
xxx

Answer 1

Dear Sir or Madam:
I am xx, a junior English major student from xx, China. I am writing to ask for your views about this request. xxx who received your job offer on March 29th, can not go to Chicago because she failed to get her visa whereas I still dod not get a job for my 4-month work and travel period in America. The time to leave for America is near which is exactly what I am worrying about now. I have turned to xxx and she suggested that she could transfer her job offer to me. Do you find this course of action acceptable? I would like to accept the initial conditions of this job such as the work payment and accommodation. Please reply as soon as you can.
Yours, faithfully
xxx

追问

改动不多啊， 只有几个单词的差别。还是说这样就很好了，不会被雇主认为措辞不当或没有礼貌吧，O(∩_∩)O谢谢

追答

Hey, the people in USA are friendly, trust me, it would be fine. Though you might want to enclose your CV if you have not send them it, and also you might want to add something about yourself, like your qualities and abilities. ^^