幽默的英语小短文

Question

7分钟演讲，初一水平

Answer 1

And it was always seldom scrooge that he knew how to keep Christmas well. If any man alive possess knowledge. May that be truly said of us and all of us. And so is Tiny Tim observed God blesses us everyone. And so ends Dickens' masterpiece The Christmas Coral.
Wait a minute, that so the end was a graunchy?
Yeah. Isn't it great book to show up now and take everything?
How come it's called the Christmas Carol anyway?
Yeah, there's nobody in this story named Carol.
Miss Laurance, would please change places with Mr Matthews?
All right, I am a hyperactive, underachieving 11-year-old boy.
I meant physically.
Oh, that takes lesson exactly like a talk.
Why do I have to move?
We were just giving our view of the book.
Yeah, I mean you see literal masterpiece. We say "At"!
Mr Mathews, I'm less interested in your review than I am that you want to understand the material. What in your opinion was Mr Dickens trying to express in his Christmas story.
And if you real * that need ghost will take you the cool places.
"At"!
Fish and steaks. Two things nature never want to put together. What you get?
* and cherry. Two things nature couldn't keep apart.
Since your mom pack it one? I thought you liked fish and steaks.
I do, but I think it's cruel to have a little fish grind when they rib their sticks off.
May I sit down?
No!
Well, since it's empty, I want.
Ah, Christmas, season of together, season of brotherhood.
Season of wool, now I want to ten Christmas gifts, wool. It doesn't matter for ships like socks or sweater, it’s wool and it’s *.
The gift is as important as thought behind it.
What's that behind the wool. This kid doesn't scratch enough?
I agree with Steward.
Oh, no. It's a nut one. Minkins shut off your gift magnet.
I just think we often lose side of the ture meaning of Christmas in the fancy of commercialism
What are you talking about? How we gonna know ask for freedom of commercials? Christmas is the celebration of the Winter Solstice and ancient tribal ritual whose origins were lost in time.
Yeah, we were just talking about that in the bathroom.

Answer 2

Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?" 安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。 星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？” Creative Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job. I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed. 创造性 第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。 我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。