200分麻烦高手帮我改一下演讲稿。我已经写好了。
我想重点把那个我的个人讲的故事改得生动些。求文笔好的人在用词和修辞上帮一下忙 谢谢！好的话 还会加分！故事也可以添加你们觉得好的东西。
Good evening ladies and gentlemen,
Firstly, I wanna ask you two questions: how many times do you call your parents in a semester? And how many hours do you spend with your family?
This summer holiday,I went back home for 10 days. I surfed internet or watched tv daily in my room. One night,when I was searching the internet the whole house black-out suddenly. Then,my mum told me to come to the yard,and I founded that my parents and my elder sister were here.we chatted with each other,full of laughter and happiness.in the dark ,even though I can’t saw them clearly at that time I enjoyed the family sweetiness. My mum said:”Do you know,we haven’t been together for a long time. Everythime I wanna talk to you ,you just faced to your loved computer.”i was shocked and kept silent.at that very moment,the power was on. well I didn’t come back to my loved computer but stayed with my family. And after 10 days,I had to come back school.this is my first time not willing to leave.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chinese people know filial piety but lack real actions. It seems that Children had their computers and worker sun focus on his career. And elder daughter pay attention to her own family.
The basic filial piety doesn’t ask you to be with your parents all of your life, or ask you to give your mum a lot of money. Or make a great contribution to the family. Or to fix up a building exquisitely. What they want is just a few minutes of conversation. To touch you to hold you to know that you are good and live happily.
Maybe one day, we should turn off your computer and tv and cancel all of your unnecessary parties to come back home and see your parents. And if you are in the distant city, please pick up your phone and call your family.
No matter how the society develops,pls remember our inner culture.-our Chinese family culture
里面那一句不好可以帮我删除，加上你们觉得好的东西。万分感谢。
我的故事是 玩电脑-停电-院子里聊天-感觉忽略了家人-来电-继续陪伴父母-返校不舍。麻烦高人帮我写得生动一些 加一些词和句子能更觉得有感染力。
第1个回答 2009-09-21
Good evening ladies and gentlemen,
Firstly, I want to (正式演讲稿最好使用正式说法) ask you two questions: First, how many times do you call your parents in a semester? And second, how much time do you spend with your family every (year/month/week/day)?
This summer,I went back home for 10 days. I surfed on the internet and watched television all day in my room. One night,when I was searching on the internet, the entire house blacked-out suddenly. Then,my mom told me to come to the yard,and I founded that my parents and my elder sister were there. We chatted with each other,full of laughter and happiness.In the dark,even though I couldn't see them clearly, I enjoyed the family sweetiness. My mom said: "Do you know,we haven’t been together for a long time. Everythime I wanna talk to you ,you just turned to your beloved computer.”I was shocked and fell silent.At that very moment,the power was turned on. Well I didn’t come back to my precious computer but stayed with my family. And after 10 days,I had to come back to school.This was my first time not willing to leave.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chinese people know filial piety but lack real actions. It seems that Children have their computers and worker sun focus on his career. And elder daughter pay attention to her own family.
The basic filial piety doesn’t ask you to be with your parents all of your life, or ask you to give your mum a lot of money,or make a great contribution to the family, or to fix up a building exquisitely. What they want is just a few minutes of conversation to touch you, to hold you, to know that you are good and living happily.
Maybe one day, we should turn off our computers and televisions and cancel all of our unnecessary parties to go back home and see your parents. And if you are in a distant city, please pick up your phone and call your family.
No matter how the society develops,please remember our inner culture.-our Chinese family culture.
Firstly, I want to (正式演讲稿最好使用正式说法) ask you two questions: First, how many times do you call your parents in a semester? And second, how much time do you spend with your family every (year/month/week/day)?
This summer,I went back home for 10 days. I surfed on the internet and watched television all day in my room. One night,when I was searching on the internet, the entire house blacked-out suddenly. Then,my mom told me to come to the yard,and I founded that my parents and my elder sister were there. We chatted with each other,full of laughter and happiness.In the dark,even though I couldn't see them clearly, I enjoyed the family sweetiness. My mom said: "Do you know,we haven’t been together for a long time. Everythime I wanna talk to you ,you just turned to your beloved computer.”I was shocked and fell silent.At that very moment,the power was turned on. Well I didn’t come back to my precious computer but stayed with my family. And after 10 days,I had to come back to school.This was my first time not willing to leave.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chinese people know filial piety but lack real actions. It seems that Children have their computers and worker sun focus on his career. And elder daughter pay attention to her own family.
The basic filial piety doesn’t ask you to be with your parents all of your life, or ask you to give your mum a lot of money,or make a great contribution to the family, or to fix up a building exquisitely. What they want is just a few minutes of conversation to touch you, to hold you, to know that you are good and living happily.
Maybe one day, we should turn off our computers and televisions and cancel all of our unnecessary parties to go back home and see your parents. And if you are in a distant city, please pick up your phone and call your family.
No matter how the society develops,please remember our inner culture.-our Chinese family culture.
第2个回答 2009-09-21
写的还可以，只是第一个词就讲firstly，ask two question,有点老套，中间的情节一般，您需要加点感情词来增强感染力！具体的我就改不了了，工作量有点大。。。
第3个回答 2009-09-20
不错，比我写的好多了。
第4个回答 2009-09-20
really good.
第5个回答 2009-09-21
Good evening ladies and gentlemen
这个说法比较正式，比较套路，改成下面比较亲切：
Good evening, my fellow classmates, schoolmates, and friends
Firstly, I wanna ask you two questions: how many times do you call your parents in a semester? And how many hours do you spend with your family?
修改wanna ask比较强势改成would like to 比较委婉有礼貌.
mom and dad的用法比较能唤醒大家的认同感。
给爸妈打电话，不是call，而是phone，或者make a phone call to. call这个单词虽然说有打电话的意思，但是西方人一般不这么用。因为他意思比较多，比较容易混淆。
To start with, I'd like to ask you two questions: how many times do you phone your Mom and Dad during a semester? And even when you are home, how many hours do you guys spend with your family?
This summer holiday,I went back home for 10 days. I surfed internet or watched tv daily in my room.
一般口语话演讲说话比较随意，英语表达surf the net 比较常用。
This summer holiday, I went back and stayed at home for 10 days. I spent all day surfing the net and watching TV in my own room. I can be sat in front of my computer for hours and it will just feel like five minutes have gone by, time does fly when I am having fun.
One night, when I was searching the internet the whole house black-out suddenly.Then,my mum told me to come to the yard,and I founded that my parents and my elder sister were here.
家里停电你用blackout，老外听了会吓一跳，呵呵。用the electricity went off
suddenly 有时显得比较笨拙，all of a sudden 比较口语化，比较好一些
mum told me这里可以用call这个词了，喊的意思比较形象一些。
给你加了一句There's not a solitary instance of this having happened these years.来强调停电多么难得，增加你演讲的戏剧效果。
One night, when I was searching the internet. All of a sudden, the electricity went off. There's not a solitary instance of this having happened these years. Everybody in the house seemed calm，mum called me out to the back yard. When I got out， I saw my parents and my sister were already here.
we chatted with each other,full of laughter and happiness.in the dark ,even though I can’t saw them clearly at that time I enjoyed the family sweetiness. My mum said:”Do you know,we haven’t been together for a long time. Everythime I wanna talk to you ,you just faced to your loved computer.”
in the dark换做in the darkness比较好，只强调黑暗事实本身。
even though 换做 though,不一样的意思。
family sweetiness 换做 family warmth习惯用法
We chatted with each other, full of laughter and fun. In the darkness, though we were unable to clearly see each other, I enjoyed the family warmth. My mum said:”You know what ,we haven’t been together for a long time. Even you are home, everythime I wanna talk to you ,you always sat focused in front of your loved computer.”
I was shocked and kept silent. at that very moment. the power was on. well I didn’t come back to my loved computer but stayed with my family. And after 10 days,I had to come back school.this is my first time not willing to leave.
加了一句Guilt was written all over my face at that very moment.
I was shocked and kept silent. Guilt was written all over my face at that very moment. when the electricity was on. well, I didn't come back to my loved computer,I kept staying with my family. We chatted unitil late at night. After 10 days, I had to come back school. This is my first time not willing to leave.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chinese people know filial piety but lack real actions. It seems that Children had their computers and worker sun focus on his career. And elder daughter pay attention to her own family.
去掉了后面一句话
My friends，Chinese people do know a lot about filial piety but, as I know, lack of actions.
The basic filial piety doesn’t ask you to be with your parents all of your life, or ask you to give your mum a lot of money. Or make a great contribution to the family. Or to fix up a building exquisitely. What they want is just a few minutes of conversation. To touch you tohold you to know that you are good and live happily.
改动了一些
Filial piety doesn't call for you to be with your parents all the time, require you to give your mum a lot of money, or make a great contribution to the family. What they need is just a few minutes of talk. Touching you, holding you, simply knowing that you are good and live happily.
Maybe one day, we should turn off your computer and tv and cancel all of your unnecessary parties to come back home and see your parents. And if you are in the distant city, please pick up your phone and call your family.No matter how the society develops,pls remember our inner culture.-our Chinese family culture
做了一些改动
Maybe one day, we should turn off our computers, TV and cancel all of your unnecessary parties to come back home and see your parents. And if you are in the distant city, please pick up your phone and call your family.No matter how the society develops,pls bear our culture in mind--our Chinese family culture.
你的文章感情很真挚，相信能够打动大家。
改动后的文章
Good evening, my fellow classmates, schoolmates, and friends
To start with, I'd like to ask you two questions: how many times do you phone your Mom and Dad during a semester? And even when you are home, how many hours do you guys spend with your family?
This summer holiday, I went back and stayed at home for 10 days. I spent all day surfing the net and watching TV in my own room. I can be sat in front of my computer for hours and it will just feel like five minutes have gone by, time does fly when I am having fun.
One night, when I was searching the internet. All of a sudden, the electricity went off. There's not a solitary instance of this having happened these years. Everybody in the house seemed calm，mum called me out to the back yard. When I got out， I saw my parents and my sister were already here.
We chatted with each other, full of laughter and fun. In the darkness, though we were unable to clearly see each other, I enjoyed the family warmth. My mum said:”You know what, we haven't been together for a long time. Even you are home, everythime I wanna talk to you ,you always sat focused in front of your loved computer.”
I was shocked and kept silent. Guilt was written all over my face at that very moment. when the electricity was on. well, I didn't come back to my loved computer, I kept staying with my family. We chatted unitil late at night. After 10 days, I had to come back school. This is my first time not willing to leave.
My friends，Chinese people do know a lot about filial piety but, as I know, lack of actions. Filial piety doesn't call for you to be with your parents all the time, require you to give your mum a lot of money, or make a great contribution to the family. What they need is just a few minutes of talk. Touching you, holding you, simply knowing that you are good and live happily.
Maybe one day, we should turn off our computers, TV and cancel all of your unnecessary parties to come back home and see your parents. And if you are in the distant city, please pick up your phone and call your family.No matter how the society develops,pls bear our culture in mind--our Chinese family culture.本回答被提问者采纳
这个说法比较正式，比较套路，改成下面比较亲切：
Good evening, my fellow classmates, schoolmates, and friends
Firstly, I wanna ask you two questions: how many times do you call your parents in a semester? And how many hours do you spend with your family?
修改wanna ask比较强势改成would like to 比较委婉有礼貌.
mom and dad的用法比较能唤醒大家的认同感。
给爸妈打电话，不是call，而是phone，或者make a phone call to. call这个单词虽然说有打电话的意思，但是西方人一般不这么用。因为他意思比较多，比较容易混淆。
To start with, I'd like to ask you two questions: how many times do you phone your Mom and Dad during a semester? And even when you are home, how many hours do you guys spend with your family?
This summer holiday,I went back home for 10 days. I surfed internet or watched tv daily in my room.
一般口语话演讲说话比较随意，英语表达surf the net 比较常用。
This summer holiday, I went back and stayed at home for 10 days. I spent all day surfing the net and watching TV in my own room. I can be sat in front of my computer for hours and it will just feel like five minutes have gone by, time does fly when I am having fun.
One night, when I was searching the internet the whole house black-out suddenly.Then,my mum told me to come to the yard,and I founded that my parents and my elder sister were here.
家里停电你用blackout，老外听了会吓一跳，呵呵。用the electricity went off
suddenly 有时显得比较笨拙，all of a sudden 比较口语化，比较好一些
mum told me这里可以用call这个词了，喊的意思比较形象一些。
给你加了一句There's not a solitary instance of this having happened these years.来强调停电多么难得，增加你演讲的戏剧效果。
One night, when I was searching the internet. All of a sudden, the electricity went off. There's not a solitary instance of this having happened these years. Everybody in the house seemed calm，mum called me out to the back yard. When I got out， I saw my parents and my sister were already here.
we chatted with each other,full of laughter and happiness.in the dark ,even though I can’t saw them clearly at that time I enjoyed the family sweetiness. My mum said:”Do you know,we haven’t been together for a long time. Everythime I wanna talk to you ,you just faced to your loved computer.”
in the dark换做in the darkness比较好，只强调黑暗事实本身。
even though 换做 though,不一样的意思。
family sweetiness 换做 family warmth习惯用法
We chatted with each other, full of laughter and fun. In the darkness, though we were unable to clearly see each other, I enjoyed the family warmth. My mum said:”You know what ,we haven’t been together for a long time. Even you are home, everythime I wanna talk to you ,you always sat focused in front of your loved computer.”
I was shocked and kept silent. at that very moment. the power was on. well I didn’t come back to my loved computer but stayed with my family. And after 10 days,I had to come back school.this is my first time not willing to leave.
加了一句Guilt was written all over my face at that very moment.
I was shocked and kept silent. Guilt was written all over my face at that very moment. when the electricity was on. well, I didn't come back to my loved computer,I kept staying with my family. We chatted unitil late at night. After 10 days, I had to come back school. This is my first time not willing to leave.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chinese people know filial piety but lack real actions. It seems that Children had their computers and worker sun focus on his career. And elder daughter pay attention to her own family.
去掉了后面一句话
My friends，Chinese people do know a lot about filial piety but, as I know, lack of actions.
The basic filial piety doesn’t ask you to be with your parents all of your life, or ask you to give your mum a lot of money. Or make a great contribution to the family. Or to fix up a building exquisitely. What they want is just a few minutes of conversation. To touch you tohold you to know that you are good and live happily.
改动了一些
Filial piety doesn't call for you to be with your parents all the time, require you to give your mum a lot of money, or make a great contribution to the family. What they need is just a few minutes of talk. Touching you, holding you, simply knowing that you are good and live happily.
Maybe one day, we should turn off your computer and tv and cancel all of your unnecessary parties to come back home and see your parents. And if you are in the distant city, please pick up your phone and call your family.No matter how the society develops,pls remember our inner culture.-our Chinese family culture
做了一些改动
Maybe one day, we should turn off our computers, TV and cancel all of your unnecessary parties to come back home and see your parents. And if you are in the distant city, please pick up your phone and call your family.No matter how the society develops,pls bear our culture in mind--our Chinese family culture.
你的文章感情很真挚，相信能够打动大家。
改动后的文章
Good evening, my fellow classmates, schoolmates, and friends
To start with, I'd like to ask you two questions: how many times do you phone your Mom and Dad during a semester? And even when you are home, how many hours do you guys spend with your family?
This summer holiday, I went back and stayed at home for 10 days. I spent all day surfing the net and watching TV in my own room. I can be sat in front of my computer for hours and it will just feel like five minutes have gone by, time does fly when I am having fun.
One night, when I was searching the internet. All of a sudden, the electricity went off. There's not a solitary instance of this having happened these years. Everybody in the house seemed calm，mum called me out to the back yard. When I got out， I saw my parents and my sister were already here.
We chatted with each other, full of laughter and fun. In the darkness, though we were unable to clearly see each other, I enjoyed the family warmth. My mum said:”You know what, we haven't been together for a long time. Even you are home, everythime I wanna talk to you ,you always sat focused in front of your loved computer.”
I was shocked and kept silent. Guilt was written all over my face at that very moment. when the electricity was on. well, I didn't come back to my loved computer, I kept staying with my family. We chatted unitil late at night. After 10 days, I had to come back school. This is my first time not willing to leave.
My friends，Chinese people do know a lot about filial piety but, as I know, lack of actions. Filial piety doesn't call for you to be with your parents all the time, require you to give your mum a lot of money, or make a great contribution to the family. What they need is just a few minutes of talk. Touching you, holding you, simply knowing that you are good and live happily.
Maybe one day, we should turn off our computers, TV and cancel all of your unnecessary parties to come back home and see your parents. And if you are in the distant city, please pick up your phone and call your family.No matter how the society develops,pls bear our culture in mind--our Chinese family culture.本回答被提问者采纳
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