一篇高考英语作文 请点评 找出错误 并提出改进方案 并打分（以高考30分评定）

Question

假设你正在参加全省中学生英语演讲比赛，请你针对有些父母经常翻看孩子日记或书包哦这一现象，写一篇演讲稿，陈述你的观点。
演讲稿的主要内容应包括：
认为同学们不必为此苦恼，
希望能够体谅父母的苦衷
建议与父母进行交流和共通 词数100字左右，开头结尾已给出不计入词数
GOOD morning ,ladies and gentlemen.
【Some of us are having problems with our parents ,as they often look into our school bags or read our diaries.】Parents always do such things ,which make students worried and annoyed .Actually,all of us should understand our parents' behavior. in order to know more about us ,thy almost tried all kinds of ways .They just want to give us a hand when we study with great difficulties.For fear of thier child get into trouble in daily life with no one turn to help,so they are eager to read our diaries so as to give us some sugestions.
All in all,we should communicate with our parents as often as we can .Only in this way can we let our parents trust us.I do hope both parents and children can get on well with each other.
请点评 找指出错误 并提出改进方案 并打分（以高考30分评定）
【THANK you！】
【】里的是 所给的开头和结尾

Answer 1

which make students worried and annoyed .时态错误，用一般现在时就可以，为什么会用到过去时？如果你告诉我这是make的用法，那请你再去重新看下你们老师是怎么讲make的用法的。
thy almost tried all kinds of ways 这里最好不用way用methods
For fear of thier child get into trouble 孩子用复数，否则的话get用第三人称单数。同时，For fear of只能加名词，如果想加句子要用that引导名词性从句来指代，不能直接加句子。
For fear of thier child get into trouble in daily life with no one turn to help,so they are eager to read our diaries so as to give us some sugestions.
把so去掉，否则句子没有主语。
with no one turn to help能告诉我这是什么结构么？with no help 就可以。

简单看了一下，问题还挺多的，分以下几点评定吧。
一，文章内容：内容缺失 ，没有完全忠于题目。
请仔细阅读题目。“演讲稿的主要内容应包括：认为同学们不必为此苦恼，”你的文章里根本没有提及到这一点，“认为同学们不必为此苦恼”，当然后一点是主体，要仔细写，但是题目要求的内容必须必须要写。哪怕一两句也好，简单的说一下。首先写出题目搜提到的现象，然后加上这样一句“However,in my point of view we needn't to worry about this”。
二，语法错误：时态、从句以及一些词的用法。
这是一篇演讲文章，里面的内容都是一些观点性的看法，以及对于事实现象的阐述，只用一般现在时就可以。那么什么时候需要用到过去时和将来时呢？将来时很好说的，就是比如说你最后希望将来大家都会如何如何。过去时可以用在例子当中，不过必须是个具体的例子，比如说，我的好朋友某某某，他家里发生过类似的情况，但是因为他和他家长有很好的沟通，所以他和家长都可以信任并且理解对方。这就可以用过去时，同时举例子也会增加文章的可信度。
很多地方你使用了从句来增，但是使用的并不是很好。建议自己再仔细看看语法书，然后多练习造从句，随心所欲的使用只会给你的文章增加错误。
还有就是一些词的用法，with的用法还有For fear of的用法。一定要用自己熟悉的、确定了解的词的用法，如果自己不确定千万别自造。这样会让阅卷老师一眼看出你的问题来。

最后一段还不错，用了强调句，而且没有错误。

修改：
GOOD morning ,ladies and gentlemen.
【Some of us are having problems with our parents ,as they often look into our school bags or read our diaries.】Parents always do such things ,which worry the students a lot.However,in my point of view we needn't to worry about this.Actually,all of us should try to understand our parents' behavior. In order to know more about us ,they almost tried all kinds of methods .They just want to give us a hand when we study with great difficulties.For fear of thier child gets into trouble in daily life with no help, they are eager to read our diaries so as to give us some sugestions.
All in all,we should communicate with our parents as often as we can .Only in this way can we let our parents trust us.I do hope both parents and children can get on well with each other.

Answer 2

Parents always do...听起来太偏激，最好是Some of our parents try to do such things make their children feel embarrassed. However, understanding of parents such behavior is very important for us.

最好不要用all, every, never,always等等这些词，太有主观色彩。陈述观点后，一定要给出举例说明。
For example,parents do check our school bags and diaries, because of...
最后，therefore,(restate your statement again)，再次陈述下你的观点，不用同的句子。最后说，I hope our students may understand our parents...

Thank you!