我写的英语作文请帮我看下有没有语法错误请帮忙改正谢谢

题目:On a Harmonious Dormitory Life
1. 宿舍生活有时会出现不和谐的情况;
2. 一个和谐宿舍生活的必要性;
3. 如何创造和谐的宿舍生活。

Nowadays, more and more people prefer talking about on dormitory life, because it plays significant role in our daily life. It has caused substantial impact on the society and our daily life. Sometimes, in our dormitory maybe have some controversial.
As is known to all, a harmonious dormitory life is important to college students and benefits all the members. On one hand, we can have a good rest and put our heart into study. On the other hand, we will have a good mood and enjoy being together.
How to establish the harmonious dormitory life ? I belivev it is hight time that we took some effective measures to solve the problem. As the proverb says (goes), “Custom makes all things easy..” It is an undeniable fact that try to get rid of your dirty habits, if there are any. A bright future is waiting for us when all the measures are taken seriously implementation.

这个是我按照找的作文模版写的,我英语很差,帮忙看下有没有语法错误.如果这是四级考试能得多少分 谢谢!

Nowadays, more and more people prefer talking about on(去掉:on) dormitory life, because it plays(添加:a) significant role in our(最好去掉OUR,因为OUR和第一句的people逻辑上有点“冲突”,当然这个不是个大问题。直接写IN DAILY LIFE 就可以) daily life.

It has caused substantial impact on the society and our daily life. Sometimes, in our dormitory maybe have some controversial(CONTROVERSIAL是形容词性,建议改为名词词性,或者在其后加个ideas).
As is known to all, a harmonious dormitory life is important to college students and benefits all the members. On one hand, we can have a good rest and put our heart into study. On the other hand, we will have a good mood and enjoy being together.
How to establish the harmonious dormitory life ? I belivev(believe) it is hight(应该是HIGH吧) time that we took some effective measures to solve the(可以把THE改为THIS ) problem. As the(可以将THE改为A) proverb says (goes), “Custom makes all things easy..” It is an undeniable fact that try to get rid of your dirty habits, if there are any(这句话写得很牵强,不过没有语法错误). A bright future is waiting for us when all the measures are taken seriously implementation.(最后一句有点问题。从中文理解应该是:所有的措施被采取严格的执行。实际上ARE TAKEN在这里是被动了,后面SERIOUSLY修饰taken还是可以理解,至于最后加了一个名词【执行】就错误了,至于原因不赘述)

行文上面还是可以的,亮点在于语言还不算太单调,不过缺点不是语法错误,其实是组织行文的结构和逻辑上的问题。你的论点和论据太散了,尤其是开头,建议换了。然后衔接性不强,感觉一条一条就是套进去的。这个分数可能就是在10到11分左右(未换算)。
加油啊!
PS:本人仅是英语爱好者,随便改改,如果有错误的话请指正。
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第1个回答  2011-12-08
第一句改为Nowadays, more and more people prefer talking about dormitory life, because it plays a significant role in our daily life.
Sometimes, in our dormitory maybe have some controversial. 这个句子缺少主语,另外controversial是形容词应用名词controversy
How to establish the harmonious dormitory life ? 句中the 改为a
It is an undeniable fact that try to get rid of your dirty habits, if there are any. that 从句中缺少主语
第2个回答  2011-12-10
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