英语小笑话带翻译 （要求见问题补充）

Question

要求：1.初一水平 2.内容简短 3.好笑而不失礼 4.五则以上

不符合要求的不采纳！！！
急！！！！！！！！！！！
快

Answer 1

　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

　　一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
　　He Won

　　Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
　　Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
　　Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

　　他赢了
　　汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
　　约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
　　汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
　　约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
　　A Good Boy

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
　　"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　好孩子

　　小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
　　“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
　　“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
　　“她是个卖糖果的。”
　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
　　Teacher: Please tell us.
　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　两只鸟
　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
　　学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
　　老师：请说说看。
　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
　　Teacher:Here is a map.Who can show us America?
　　Tom:I can show you America.(He goes to the map ang finds America on it)Look!America is here.
　　Teacher:Then,boys and girls,tell me who found America?
　　Students:Tom.
　　老师：这是地图。谁能给我指出美国的位置？
　　汤姆：我能指出美国在哪。（他走到地图前，指出了美国）看！美国在这里。
　　老师：接下来，同学们，谁能告诉我是谁发现的美国？
　　全体学生：汤姆发现的

Answer 2

1. Two Tickets Please
A young man was in love with a girl. At one weekend, he invited
his girlfriend to the cinema. When they were at the ticket box,
the young man said to the ticket seller, "Two tickets, please. "

When the ticket seller told him that all the tickets had sold
out, the disappointed young man said, "Then do you have any sur
tickets that can allow us to stand together?"

两张电影票
一个小伙子爱上了一位姑娘。周末，他请她看电影。来到售票处，
小伙子对售票员说：“请给两张票。”售票员告诉他所有的票都卖完了。
失望的年轻人说：“那么，您有两张可以让我们站在一起的附加票吗？”
What Grade
Kristin,, my 17-year-old niece, had just gotten her driver's
license and offered to take her mom's car to the gas station. She
pulled up to the full-service pumps, and the attendant asked, "What
grade, miss?"
哪一级
我的十七岁的侄女，科里斯蒂，刚刚拿到驾照。她主动提出去加油
站给她妈妈的车加油。她把车开到昼夜服务的加油泵前。服务员问她：
“（加油加到）哪一级，小姐？”

Answer 3

会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”

Answer 4

A husband and his wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What do I look like, a weatherman?" He then slammed the phone down and settled into bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"I don't know. It was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

丈夫和妻子睡得正香，电话响了。
丈夫拿起电话说：“你好。我怎么知道！难道我象个天气预报员吗？！”他扔掉电话又躲进被窝。
“谁呀？”妻子问。
“不知道，有个人向我打听海滨地区是否晴天。”
补充：要爆笑的

Answer 5

A husband and his wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What do I look like, a weatherman?" He then slammed the phone down and settled into bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"I don't know. It was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

丈夫和妻子睡得正香，电话响了。
丈夫拿起电话说：“你好。我怎么知道！难道我象个天气预报员吗？！”他扔掉电话又躲进被窝。
“谁呀？”妻子问。
“不知道，有个人向我打听海滨地区是否晴天。”