孙悟空 Monkey ( M for short ) 白骨精 Jenny White ( J for short )
唐僧 Tang Seng ( T for short ) 黄袍怪 Yellow ( Y for short )
沙僧 Sha Seng ( S for short ) 猪八戒 Pig ( P for short )
小妖 Mini Monster ( A B C D )
Act 1
(J 照着镜子上台,后面跟着一个小妖B手捧一盒化装品,如Clean &Clear等)
J: Another pimple! they are useless. What can I do?
(这时4,电话铃不知趣地响了起来,J不耐烦地从B手中接过听筒,于是,一个更另她心烦的声音就在电话那头响起。)
Y: Hello! It’s me.
J: I know it’s you. You call me every day ,it has 400 years 。
Y: And today, I’ll ask the same question again.Will you marry me?
(J对这位契而不舍的追求者已厌烦到了极点。)
J:You wish ! I get one more pimple. How bad!
Y: Ah! I just call to tell you the meat of Tang Seng can make you beautiful and Tang Seng will come to our place.We can go and catch him together.
J:ok ,ok,. I will have a rest.(不待Y说完,J就没好气地挂断了电话。)
Y;Refuse me again .I will never give up.(说罢,好不威风的下台去了)
J: How nasty he is! ( 她想了想,对B道 ) But Tang Seng is really good for me (B显然理解主人的意思,递过一副望远镜。J便观察起T的行踪来。)
J: ( 欢喜万分 ) Ah-ha,
(M握着金箍棒在前面探路,打电话给T)
M:Hi,master.
T; monkey,where are we ?
M;DaHuangZheng,JieShouShi
M;Ok,we are coming.
(P在前面摇摆走着,T随后,可怜S提着许多行李上台)
M;master,please(指着一休息地方)
(J向B伸手 ,B递上一纸筒——魔力耳朵,J便把耳朵凑上去偷听T师徒四人谈话)
T: Monkey!You are great,thank you very much ,I am happy to be your teacher and......
(P懒洋洋地突然打断 )
P: Sir! I’m so hungry.
T: I’m hungry too. Monkey, go and buy some food。Don’t go to LanZhouNiurouMianGuan and LiuYiFanDian, just go to ChangQingFanDian.It is cheap。
(M点头答应,欲要离去)
T;monkey,just go to changqingfandian.
M;yes sir.( 欲要离去)
T;monkey,wash your box.
M;ok.ok( 欲要离去)
T;monkey,be careful
M;thank you sir( 欲要离去)
T;monkey....(M不耐烦打断)
M;you,go away(飞奔而去)
(剩余师徒三人拿出经书念起三字经,一会就睡着了。舞台另一头的J听了不禁眉开眼笑。)
J: It’s a good time.
(J迅速地化装成一个老太婆,挎着篮子走到了T师徒的面前。P闻着香味醒了,并叫醒师傅)
P: Ah, an old woman. Hello! What’s in your basket? It smells nice!
J: Some food for my son.
P: I’m hungry. Can I have some?
(心急的P伸手去拿篮子里的东西,J假装惊慌地护住了篮子。)
T: Pig! be polite to old woman
J: You are very kind. I can give you some food.
T: ( 双手合十 )Good woman 。
(J假意伸手拿食物递给T,企图乘机抓住T,不想袖中露出一只白皙的少女的手,立刻被M瞧出了破绽。)
M: ( 一把抓住了J的手腕 ) Who are you? An old woman?
(J虽然是妖怪,但四百年来,这还是头一遭被人这么窝囊地抓住手腕,简直是又羞又怒)
J: You……you touch my hand!
M: Monster!
(T听到Monster一词立刻吓得晕倒在S怀中。S惊恐万分)
S;master master,Pig Pig, come here
P(一心盯着妖怪): Beautiful woman
(T听到来着是个美人,忙抬头偷看。T;(感叹) beautiful woman.)
M: No matter how big you are, I’ll kill you.
J: No matter how big you are. I’ll kill you
M: Monster! Take my stick!
(M举起金箍棒就要向J的头顶击下。就在这千钧一发之际,P忽然扑上去将M拦腰抱住)
P: Beauty, run! Run run.
(T 逃过一劫,对各位徒弟尤其是M的拼死保护感动之至,对S说;monkey is great。情不自禁地唱起了Only You。其结果,三个土地全头痛欲裂,大吐特吐。)
(终于,T唱完了)
T: ( 清清嗓子 ) Monkey, go and buy the lunch. I’m very hungry.
M: Yes,master,Just stay here。(边说边画圈 )。Goodbye sir.
(M离开后,T等就在圈内又念起三字经,不一会打起瞌睡来,P更是鼾声震天。)
(J见M走了,便又来打T的主意。她走了两步,踩到了M画的圈。)
J: Ouch。
(J知道M的厉害,不敢轻举妄动。但T近在眼前,她实在不甘心放弃。她想了想,忽地计上心头,变出一盒KFC。
J: Come, come Come。。。
(T等仿佛着了魔似的,梦游般循着KFC的香气向圈子外走。J终于如愿地把他们引出来了。就在J的手向T伸去的时候,M赶回来了,再次将J当场抓获。)
M: You again!
J: You 。you. How nasty you are!
M: Now you cannot run!
(T 刚刚清醒,看到厮杀场面,想到自己又一次有惊无险,感叹;monkey is really great。不仅又唱起了Only You。M不堪忍受此歌声,抓着J的手也放松了。J乘机溜走了。)
(T唱罢,众人终于松了口气。P忽然发现M正望着J远去的方向发愣,伸手在M的眼前晃了晃,M竟然没有反应。)
P: ( 调侃地 ) Ah, you like that beautiful woman.
( M 回过神来,发现自己的失态,给了P一拳。)
T: Monkey, I know that woman is nice, but you cannot love her. loving girls needs time and money. you don’t have much time and much money.
M: I won’t.
T: That’s fine. Everybody ,are you reday?
(列队齐声):Yes sir。(转身跳起了nobody)
我改写别人的,元旦表演了,效果还不错哈
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