请帮忙改一下这篇雅思作文，高分悬赏，谢谢了~！
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
According to a recent survey, which states a phenomenon that advertising pushed up the sales of popular consumer goods; as it is not the real reflection of social needs. From my point of view, before airing my own opinion, I do think it is necessary to analyze this thorny issue from different angles.
Those who think the high sales of popular consumer goods shows the needs of society correctly, are tend to present the following reasons. To begin with, the reason why individual buys consumer goods is not like buying stamps or other art works for collecting and showing; customers want them just because they are useful and consumptive. Therefore, the sales of them increasingly rise highly also suggests that the needs of society is becoming higher alongside. What makes this happened is the increasing population, in addition, the peace environment around the world positively helps the economic booming. These two main reasons form the high sales together.
On the other hand, amount of people may reckon that is advertisement which built this phenomenon. Firstly, I appreciate this opinion. It is hard to deny the contribution that advertisements do for the high sales. After all, advertisements offer a chance for various of consumer goods to show themselves. As a result, customers can receive the information of goods directly and easily. It provides an encouragement to customers to do shop. However, what bring customer into a shop to buy goods, the fundamental factor is that he has sufficient finance. In other word, good economic environment is the prime reason to form the high sales.
Based on all arguments offered above, I fully sanction that high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the real needs of society in which they are sold.
主要就是指出我的作文有什么大的问题，结构上，语法上，单词用法上
另外给我评一下分，给一下提高的建议，谢谢，还有20天就考试了~！
2, 第二段第一行，shows-show;
3, 第二段第二行，are去掉
4，第三行，第四行，individual与consumers最后单复数一致。
5, customers want them just because they are useful and consumptive; 这一分句的them,与之后的they最好指代清楚，按照GMAT上的说法，这属于指代不清。
6, increasingly rise highly 这三个词在一起用，不太合适，三个词都可以表示一种上升的状态。一个increase 或者一个rise就够了
7，第二段倒数第三行的this指代不清，this指什么呢？
8，increasing修饰population不对
9，第二段最后一行，help+sth+do, booming-boom.
10, amount of=不可数，a majority of, a large number of
11, reckon这个词用着极为别扭，别听什么新东方的老师说用生僻的词，作文是要求精准的表达。用think, believe最好
12，同上，sanction这个词的广泛用意是制裁，批准，不取支持的含义。
13,其它的一些语言点
改完的
According to a recent survey which states a phenomenon that advertising pushes up the sales of popular consumer goods, but it is not the real reflection of social needs. From my point of view, I do think it is necessary to analyze this thorny issue from different angles.
Those who think that the high sales of popular consumer goods show the needs of society correctly, tend to present the following reasons. To begin with, the reason why customers buy consumer goods is not like buying stamps or other art works for collecting and showing; customers want the consumer goods just because these goods are useful and consumptive. Therefore, the higher the sales of these consumer goods, the greater the society needs are reflected. What makes this happen is the increasing number of population, in addition, the peaceful environment around the world positively helps the economic boom. These two main reasons form the high sales together.
On the other hand, a large number of people may think/argue/believe that is the advertisement which created this phenomenon. Firstly, I appreciate this opinion. It is hard to deny that advertisements contribute to the high sales. After all, advertisements offer a chance for various of consumer goods to be promoted. As a result, customers can receive the information of goods directly and easily. Customers are influenced by advertisements to do shopping. However, what bring customers into a shop to buy goods, the fundamental factor is sufficient money. In other word, good economic environment is the prime reason to form the high sales.
Based on all arguments above, I fully agree that high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the real needs of society in which they are sold.
