谁有英语幽默短文，小故事，名人名言。急急急急急

Question

谁有英语幽默短文，小故事，名人名言，都要英文的，越多我分给的越多，麻烦每篇分得清楚一点，先谢谢大家了

Answer 1

I came home from work one day to find my wife,Jolynn,cradling our six-month-old daughter and repeating,"Da-da" How sweet,I though to myself,for her to choose Daddy as our baby's first word.

Several weeks later,Jhlynn and I were wakened by a small voice crying,"Da-da".Turning over to go back to sleep,my wife said,"She's calling you,dear"

译：一天，我下班回家，发觉我的妻子将我们六个月的女儿轻轻放到摇篮里，而且重复地说着："爸-爸"，呵，多么甜美，我自忖道，她选择教会我们的宝贝的第一个词是："爸-爸"。
几个星期后，妻子和我睡得正香，忽然被小小的哭声给唤醒了，"爸-爸"。。。。我翻个身继续睡。。妻子说了："亲爱的，她正在叫你呢"。

Two men were talking at the office rest room.One was telling the other about a fight he'd with his wife."In the end ,"he said,"I had her begging on her knees."
"What did she say？"asked the coworker.
She told me to come out from under the bed.

译：两人正在休息室谈论着。一位正对另一位说起与妻子的一场争斗。他说："最后，我终于成功地迫使她跪下来求我"
另一位很好奇："她怎么求你的？"
"她求我快点从床下爬出来"

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."

"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
Weather Predict

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.

一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.

"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.

几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.

最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"

印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
Did You Know Him?

At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.

"I sure was!" answered the host. "He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?"

"Sort of," replied the guest. "My mother married him last Saturday."

你认识他吗？

在朋友家的一次宴会上，主人提起一位高中时的校友。一位客人问他读书期间，某位副校长是否也在职。

“当然了，”主人答道。“他是我见过的最大的混蛋。你也认识他吗？”

“有点认识，”客人回答。“我妈妈上周六嫁给了他。”
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

伟大的猎手Jonesie

有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。

猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。

半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。

“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。

“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”

First Flight

Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"

"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."

第一次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”

Answer 2

1.A:Hello.
B:Hello.Who's this,please?
A:watt.
B:who's this,please?
A:Watt is my name.
B:I don't know ! What's your name ?
A:Watt is my name! Are you Jeff Smith ?
B:No,I'm Knott.
A:Can I have your name,please?
B:ken Knott!
A:Why not?
B:why what?

Answer 3

买本杂志好了,空中英语 有生活短篇,书后面有翻译,对青少年适合