看看我的 英文自我介绍 有什么问题

Question

Good morning！My name is Lili.
It is really my honor to have this opportunity for an interview. Now I will introduce myself briefly.
I have work in restaurant for 10 years.All those experiences contributed much to the development and promotion of my organizing and social abilities.
I think I'm a good team player and I'm a person of great honesty to others. Also I am able to work under great pressure.
A position with your company would be both a learning experience and a great opportunity. I look forward to becoming part of the team.
That’s all. Thank you.

只是简单的介绍。主要想看看要不要加些语气词，或者有什么不符合语言习惯的地方

Answer 1

Good morning！My name is Lili.
It is my great honor to get this opportunity for the interview. Now I will introduce myself briefly.
I have worked in restaurant for 10 years. Well, all the experience contributed much to the development and promotion of my organizing and social abilities.
I think I'm a good team player and I will show my honest to others. Also I am able to work under numerous and heavy pressure.
Frankly speaking, going into your company would be both learning experience and a great opportunity. Im looking forward to becoming a part of the team.
Thank you so much.

千万不要在这么正式的场合说that's all 很搞笑的，听起来

老外每次听到这个都笑起没完，等同于你在一段演讲过后说，仅此而已， 或是我说完了

Answer 2

Good morning！My name is Lili.
It is really my honor to have this opportunity for the(an改为the) interview. Now please let me（I will改为please let me，显得有礼貌）introduce myself briefly.
I have worked in a（work要用过去分词） restaurant for 10 years.All these experience（省去s。experience做“经验”时，不可数）has（宜用完成时，与上句呼应） contributed much to the development and promotion of my organizing and social abilities.
I think I'm a good team player and I'm a person of great honesty and responsibility（to others去掉，改为responsibility责任心 。Besides（Also改为besides） I am able to work under great pressure.
A position of（with改为of） your company would be both a learning experience and a great opportunity to me（加上to me）. I hope（look forward to改为hope）to become a member（part改为member） of your（the改为your） team.
That’s all. Thank you.

Answer 3

Good morning！My name is Lili.
It is my great honor to take this opportunity for the interview. Please allow me to give a brief introduction.
I have been in restaurants for 10 years (不知道你是否想表述在餐饮业十年了?). All those experiences contributed much to the development and promotion of my organizing and social abilities.
I'm a good team player and a person of great honesty to others. Also I am able to work under great pressure.
A position with your company would be both a learning experience and a great opportunity. I look forward to becoming part of the team.
Thank you.

你这个自我介绍从整体上来讲很生硬,完全是中文思维的表述,所以我认为你还需要多花些心思重新组织一下,祝你好运!

Answer 4

第一段，an interview 改成the interview，因为是特指此次面试。
第二段，I have work 改为 I have been working。 experience不用复数。abilities改为skills。
第三段，I think多余了，你说的话当然就是你认为的。I'm a person of great honesty to others有些啰嗦了，直接说I'm a honest person. 或者说I'm trustable.
第四段，a position with your company 改为working in your company.

另外，如果你是口头介绍而不是书面介绍，语句可以更简洁一些。让被人清楚地了解你的能力和你的意向。用复杂的句子反而增加了被人的理解负担。

Answer 5

It is really my honor

really 副词感觉有点怪，

have work(ed) in (a)restaurant for ten years.(what is your major job/responsibility?)后面一句有点汗。。

I've got good team work spirit and also able to work under presure.

....感觉要写的东西还很多吧，

“ A position with your company would be both a learning experience and a great opportunity. I look forward to becoming part of the team. “ 这个自我介绍的时候不用，应该是面试的人问你的时候才需要。。句子好像也不是太对劲