高考 英语作文 求详细批改

Question

（字数超过最大允许值改为图片 文字版的我可以追问提供或通过别的途径提供）
提供详细批改 包括短语用得不对的地方 语法错误 低级错误 更高级的句型 润色的建议 作为高考作文不足之处和优秀文章的差距 谢谢！
文字版的 可以看我的空间
http://hi.baidu.com/asl0005/item/1ca2fad56b912238e2108f18 谢谢

Answer 1

()表示删除 【】表示修改后的

As a senior three student, I deeply feel （that studies in Senior 3）【what student in Senior 3 have to endure】 is not easy-not only should （revise）【review】all the knowlege you have learned again, but also get good (grades)【marks】 in the college entrance examination.

评价：一开篇就有语法错误，不该不该。扣分！内容上不错，开门见山表达论点
修改：

（Under）【with】 the stress from society, parents and students themselves, students in Senior 3’s （mentality）【mental state】becomes a problem.

评价：你想说的是不是精神状态？我帮你查了一下
修改：

In fact, I think （students） maintaining a positive altitude【attitude】is a key point on their ways to success.

评价：拼写错！扣分！
修改：maintaining 直接做动名词

（Mentality）【positive spirit】 can help them overcome quite a few difficulties.
评价：连同上句都是过渡，有逻辑性，棒！
修改：

【新段】

Adjusting state of mind is work that should be done by all senior three students.

评价：完全读不懂
修改：So I consider that all senior three students should learn to adjust psychology.

I think that relax a little in the rest of time while study deeply into knowledges such as going out for a walk, is a good way.

评价：乱
修改：I think gentle breeze which slip through your fingers and the kiss of the golden sun shine are best ways to relax yourselves after annoying heavy task.

What’s more, do not take too much care of grades.

评价：我不知道有没有这用法。。。
修改：When it comes to grades, I hope that you can have the courage to say "It's my best work, and I don't care about the result."

Don’t feel regretful if only we try.

评价：完美
修改：

The best and happiest thing in senior three come【s】 from struggling and keeping busy, so don’t add to【too】 much stress to yourself.
评价：中规中矩
修改：

【新段】

In terms of schools, I think they are not supposed to attach great importance to enrollment rate.

评价：。。。假话
修改：

Students in senior high still need space and environment of freedom.
评价：。。。真话
修改：

It’s supposed to put students【’】 mental health ahead of enrollment rate.

评价：基本正确
修改：

Encourage them to take enough activities to enrich study life in senior three.

评价：算了吧
修改：

School’s （value）【correct】 guidance is very important for students’ development.

评价：
修改：建议用The correct guidence of school. 毕竟强调的是指导

Hope that schools can promote students’ all round develpment with relaxed smile.
评价：基本正确
修改：

【新段】

Above are my suggestions.

评价：
修改：

They are for reference only.

评价：
修改：

I hope heartily that students live happily and success in the college entrance examination!
评价：结尾简单朴实。建议扩充
修改：

Answer 2

I feel deeply....easy. We should not only revise ...again and again, but also...the mentality of the students in Senior(全文统一大写) 3...a positive attitude..
...is what should be done ....I think it's a good way to relax a little during the rest time while you work hard on your study. For example, we can go out for a walk. .....if only you try our best....comes from ...too
much..
...I think they should not...put students' mental...all-round development
..I hope heartly that students will....
希望采纳哦～～

Answer 3

As a senior, I deeply feel that being a graduate is stressful.Not only should we review all the lessons in high school, but also get good grades in college entrance examination. Under great pressure from society, parents and ourselves,great deal of senior students have mental problems.In fact, developping a positive mental attitude plays a crucial role on the way to success.Optimistic outlook can help us overcome quite a few difficulties.
Adjusting state of mind must be done.Such as taking a brief walk during the break time to release from the intense study and excessive nervousness.Don't overconcerned about grades.Never regret after trying hard since all the effort we put in is the most wonderful gift we receive this year.
前面照你的意思大概改了一点，后面就不知道enrollment rate和高三生活有什么关系？改的不好还见谅