急求英语搞笑小短文。要幽默，搞笑、简单。明天下午就要了，哪位大哥有的，谢谢…急

Question

急急急急！

Answer 1

　　第一个
　　Anarab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
　　'Your name pls.'?
　　"Abdul Aziz "
　　"Sex? "
　　"Six times a week!! "
　　"No, no, I mean male or female! "
　　"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"
　　翻译：
　　Anarab在一个美国关卡前的时候接受一些例行检查
　　“你叫什么名字？”
　　“ABDUL AZIZ”
　　“性别？”
　　“一周六次！！”
　　“噢，不是，我的意思是男性还是女性”
　　“没所谓拉，我有时候甚至骆驼也可以”

　　第二个
　　Sex is like a restaurant.

　　Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service "
　　翻译：
　　性爱就像一家旅店

　　有时候你能够得到全方位满意的服务，不过还有时候你只能通过自给自足达到满意的程度

　　第三个
　　What makes a happy man?
　　Daughter on the cover of.Cosmo
　　Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
　　Mistress on the cover of playboy.
　　and ....
　　Wife on the cover of "missing persons".
　　翻译：
　　什么可以让一个男人开心呢？
　　女儿出现在Cosmo的封面上；
　　儿子出现在体育画刊的封面上；
　　情人出现在花花公子的封面上；
　　还有…….
　　老婆出现在“寻人启事”上；

　　第四个
　　Teacher: What do you want to become?
　　Little Johnny: Doctor!
　　Teacher: Why?
　　LJ: Because it's the only profession where you can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it
　　翻译：
　　老师：你长大了想做什么？
　　小约翰：医生！
　　老师：为什么呢？
　　小约翰：因为只有这个职业你可以让一个女人脱掉衣服而她的丈夫还为此买单

　　第五个
　　Woman complaining to dentist
　　"It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.
　　Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."
　　翻译：
　　女人对牙医抱怨道:
　　“那实在太痛了，我情愿去生孩子也不想拔牙”
　　牙医：“你要是想好了，我就把椅子的姿势调一下”

　　第六个
　　Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. Wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
　　The engraver shortened it to: "RETURNED UNOPENED"
　　翻译：
　　一个85老太太快要死了，却还是个处女，他留下遗愿，希望自己的墓碑上刻上：出生的时候做处女 活着的时候做处女 死了还要做处女！
　　雕刻墓碑的工匠嫌太长，遂刻上：“退货,未拆包装".

　　第七个
　　75 years old man got married to a 15 years girl.
　　On their first night both were crying.....
　　Why???
　　Because she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything 一个75岁的老头子和一个15岁的小姑娘结婚了
　　结果洞房的那个晚上两个人都哭了
　　为啥呢？？？
　　因为女孩什么都不知道，而老头子什么都忘记了

Answer 2

1.和买驴的人

A man wanted to buy an ass. He went to the market, and saw a likely one. But he wanted to

test him first. So he took the ass home, and put him into the stable with the other asses.

The new ass looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest ass in

the stable. When the man saw this he put a halter on the ass at once, and gave him back to

his owner. The owner felt quite surprised. He asked the man, "Why are you back so soon? Have

you tested him already?" "I don't want to test him any more," replied the man, "From the

companion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is."

中文：一个买主到市场上去买驴，他看中一头外表不错的驴，但是他想要牵走试一试。他把驴牵回家，放

在自己其他的驴之间，这驴四处看看，立即走向一头好吃懒做的驴旁边。于是，买驴的人立刻给那头驴套

上辔头，牵去还给驴的卖主。卖主感到很奇怪，他问买主：“你怎么这么快就回来了？”买主说：“不必

再试了，从他所选择什么样的朋友来看，我已经知道他是什么样了。”

2.The Looney Bin
疯人院
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对

我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"

Notes:

（1）Looney (俚语）疯子

（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）

（3）insane asylum (疯人院）

3.A mother mouse
老鼠的第二语言也重要
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she

spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and

the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat

was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you

understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”