麻烦大家帮我就一下错误吧英语作文急求~~

Question

Came to this campus has been a year, time flies, even feel it flies. Freshman year so later, when I first came, one by one we are so ignorant, so simple, now we have become more mature, more stable . Can not change is the only breath of this campus, or so warm.
Life of the school year, we strive to participate in activities in an effort to show ourselves and to release the youth. Maybe this is the youth that some state. We do not care how much sweat left in the game, do not care how tragic the end result, we only care about this process, we work hard, fought, good times.
The moment when you come to Normal, you will suddenly have a solemn sense of being chosen. The campus recognizes you, you have no reason to live up to her.
Our campus is so full of stage us, so we are here to sail, flying our youth.
No matter how the outside, said her fastidious and demanding but inept,said her small..
She would have deserved to be here.

Answer 1

修改后：

I have been to this campus for almost a year now, time flies so quickly I barely even noticed before it is gone. Thinking back to the freshman year, when I first walked into the campus. Back then each one of us was so ignorant, so simple, now we are much more mature and confident. The only thing that didn't change was the warmth I felt that belonged to this campus.

During our school year, we strive to participate in all activities in an effort to demonstrate our talent and show our youthfulness. Maybe this is what youth is all about. We do not care how much sweat were left in the game, nor how tragic the end result might be, all we care about is this time when we worked hard and fought together.

The moment when you walked into the campus, you will suddenly feel that you were chosen to be here. The campus recognized your talent and you have to live up to her expectations.

Our campus is our stage, we are here to sail, to fly, to enjoy our youth.

No matter what the outside says, that she is fastidious and demanding or inept and small. She is deserving of us.

希望对你有帮助~

天上~

注：算我求你了，下次还是直接把中文贴出来，让大家翻译好了，再也不要偷懒把全文放到翻译器里。翻译出来的都是驴唇不对马嘴的，要不是把这段扔翻译器里，我都不知道你英文写的是啥 = =

Answer 2

我帮你挑些明显的错误吧。
整篇时态要明确，如果是讲过去发生的，一定要用过去时
第一句，came to不能做主语啊。应该为I have been this campus for one year.
freshman so later, 好像不太通顺，不明白你要表达什么意思。但是后面要用过去时才对啊。应改为：At the beginning, everyone was so ignorant and simple......
can not change也不可以做主语，我不太明白你这句什么意思
Maybe this is the youth that some state， 后面that some state什么意思？去掉好了，maybe this is the meaning of youth,或者maybe this is what youth should look like
live up to 是不辜负的意思，所以要么换作disappoint,要么加fail to. fail to live up to.建议改词。
Our campus is a big stage to us.