帮忙翻译下剧本中关羽的台词（要英文）。。。如果全部翻译更好

Question

诸葛亮：（喝水）
关羽：（拎着大包小包上，小声的敲门）
[配音：小声的敲门声：咚咚咚……
诸葛亮：（没有听见）
关羽：（大声一点敲门）
[配音：大声一点的声音：咣咣咣……
诸葛亮：（伸懒腰，打哈欠……）啊——
关羽：（急。一脚把门踹开）丫的！
[配音：重重一声：梆！
诸葛亮：（跳起）哇！——有贼呀！妈妈我害怕！
关羽：（先是一愣，然后笑）哇——哈——哈——哈——哈！
诸葛亮：（狼狈的）笑！笑啥！
关羽：（照镜子）军师也认为我潇洒？
诸葛亮：谁说的？
关羽：你不是说潇洒吗！
诸葛亮：￥#￥?—?#！??@……
关羽：（左看右看）我大哥呢？
诸葛亮：出恭了。
关羽：出恭？什么意思？
诸葛亮：我是文明人，不要B我说脏话！——就是——拉屎的意思！
关羽：那就算了。今天过来，想送点东西。（把大包小包摆出来）
诸葛亮：哎……今年过节不收礼，收礼只收……
关羽：脑白金？
诸葛亮：你不要做广告好不好！错！是老百斤！
关羽：什么玩意？
诸葛亮：一种劲酒，喝了它，可以排毒养颜，美白护肤，去皱拉皮……
关羽：有呀！
诸葛亮：那就给我！
关羽：谁说要给你的？我给我大哥的。
诸葛亮：慢着……怎么突然送礼了？
关羽：嘿嘿……你又不是不知道……这个评选……
诸葛亮：打住！没有你的事！
关羽：为什么？难道我不够型英帅靓正（注：念jiang,四声）吗？
诸葛亮：（严肃的，作报告语气）关羽同志，在战斗中没有什么表现，据说躲到荆州特区成天的花天酒地，你该当何罪！
关羽：冤枉呀！我只是体验生活罢了！
诸葛亮：反正没有你的！
关羽：哎……我说，我的行政级别起码也和刘老总，我大哥平级呀，怎么说也应该照顾一下吧？
诸葛亮：（指着大包小包）你这是什么意思！贿赂领导？我们汉中地皮公司不吃这个！
关羽：（眉头一皱，计上心来）算了吧，我就不争了。我看你也累了，你歇一会，放松一下，我给你唱歌。
诸葛亮：也行。（坐下，趴着）
关羽：（谱上《甜蜜蜜》的曲调，深情缓慢的唱）惨兮兮……你笑的惨兮兮……好像花儿开在秋风里……我鸡皮掉一地……
诸葛亮：Cut！
关羽：（摇滚唱法）谁轻轻叫唤我，去茅厕洗厕所；碰上一个老太婆，她的名字叫菠萝……
诸葛亮：停停停！
关羽：（沙哑口音）如果说你要离开我把我的照片还给我在你身上也没有用我可以还给我妈妈……
诸葛亮：靠！I 服了 U ！
关羽：还要来吗？
诸葛亮：我吐血……
关羽：对了，军师，这些给你的。（拿出一袋金币）
诸葛亮：哇！金子！我最喜欢啦！
关羽：那么……那件事情？？哼哼？？
诸葛亮：一切包在我身上！
关羽：那你先把我的名字加上去吧。
诸葛亮：（写）好了！
关羽：谢谢啦！军师，你好好伟大，我好好喜欢你呀！
[画外音：刘备：小猪，把那份五虎评选档案给我交到经理室！
关羽：军师累了，我帮你吧。
诸葛亮：呵呵。你真有我心。
关羽：军师过奖了。（拿起文件，下）
诸葛亮：（拿出金子，欣喜地看着）咦？怎么……（剥开“金子”外皮）啊？是金币巧克

Answer 1

Liang: (water)
Guan Yu: (carrying packages, the knock on the door in a low voice)
[Voice: The knock on the door in a low voice: Dong Dongdong ... ...
Liang: (not heard)
Guan Yu: (a little loud knock on the door)
[Voice: a little loud voice: Guang Guang Guang ... ...
Liang: (stretch, yawn ... ...) ah --
Guan Yu: (urgent. Chuaikai kicked the door) of the Ya!
[Voice: A lot: rat-tat-tat!
Liang: (jump) wow! - You thief! I am afraid of my mother!
Guan Yu: (robust first, and then laughs) wow - Kazakhstan - Kazakhstan - Kazakhstan - Kazakhstan!
Liang: (the confusion) laugh! What laughter!
Guan Yu: (look in the mirror) I also think that military adviser chic?
Liang: Who said that?
Guan Yu: You do not say cool!
Liang: ￥ ￥ # ?-?#! ?? @ ... ...
Guan Yu: (Zuokanyoukan) big brother I do?
Liang: the Chu Gong.
Guan Yu: Chu Gong? What does this mean?
Liang: I am a civilized, B, I do not say bad language! - - Mean shit!
Guan Yu: forget it. From today, I would like to send something. (The packages put out)
Liang: hey ... ... not gifts for the holidays this year, only gifts ... ...
Guan Yu: Melatonin?
Liang: Do not advertise good! Wrong! The old help them!
Guan Yu: What thing?
Liang: A strong wine, He Leta, the toxins can be beauty, skin whitening, la Phytosome ... ...
Guan Yu: Yes there is!
Liang: I would!
Guan Yu: Who says you give? I am the big brother to me.
Liang: Wait ... ... how all of a sudden the gifts?
Guan Yu: Hee hee ... ... you know ... ... ... ... This selection
Liang: stop! You do not!
Guan Yu: Why? I do not bargain-British Shuai (Note: read jiang, four tones)?
Liang: (serious tone of the report) Guan Yu comrades in battle is no performance is said to hide in Jingzhou Special Administrative Region of porn and alcohol all day long, you Hezui satisfied!
Guan Yu: it wrong! I only experience it live!
Liang: In any case, do not you!
Guan Yu: ... ... I said, hey, I at least have the administrative level and Liu Peng, I have the same level it big brother, how you say it should take care of you?
Liang: (pointing to the packages) What do you mean! Bribery leadership? We do not eat the Hanzhong's land!
Guan Yu: (Yizhou brow, the body center of dollars to) forget it, I do not dispute the. I see you are tired, you Xie Yihui, relax, I sing to you.
Liang: is required. (Sit down, Pazhuo)
Guan Yu: (adds, "Tian Mi Mi" of the tunes, slow deep singing) Xixi miserable you laugh ... ... ... ... Xixi suffer like flowers open in the autumn wind, I gallinae ... ... ... ... out to a
Liang: Cut!
Guan Yu: (singing Rock) who I call on him gently, a latrine to wash the toilet; run into an old woman, her name is ... pineapple ...
Liang: stop-stop!
Guan Yu: (hoarse accent) If you want to leave me, I pictures back to you, I also found I can not be returned to my mother ... ...
Liang: on! I served U!
Guan Yu: would also like to come?
Liang: I ... blood ...
Guan Yu: Yes, division, which to you. (Come up with a bag of gold coins)
Liang: wow! Gold! I love it!
Guan Yu: Well ... that ... thing? ? Heng Heng? ?
Liang: all packets in me!
Guan Yu: What do you put my name go together.
Liang: (write) it!
Guan Yu: Thank you! Division, you have the great good, I like you well!
[Voice-over: Liu Bei: pig, that the Five Tigers named to the file room manager handed me!
Guan Yu: military adviser tired, I helped you.
Liang: Ha ha. You really have my heart.
Guan Yu: the award-winning division. (Pick up the paper the next)
Liang: (out of gold, delighted to see) Why? How ... ... (ripping out "gold" skin) ah? Gold is Qiaoke 不 好意思,关羽的话与诸葛亮的话我一起翻译了!不知可不可以

Answer 2

Liang: (water)
Guan Yu: (carrying packages, the knock on the door in a low voice)
[Voice: The knock on the door in a low voice: Dong Dongdong ... ...
Liang: (not heard)
Guan Yu: (a little loud knock on the door)
[Voice: a little loud voice: Guang Guang Guang ... ...
Liang: (stretch, yawn ... ...) ah --
Guan Yu: (urgent. Chuaikai kicked the door) of the Ya!
[Voice: A lot: rat-tat-tat!
Liang: (jump) wow! - You thief! I am afraid of my mother!
Guan Yu: (robust first, and then laughs) wow - Kazakhstan - Kazakhstan - Kazakhstan - Kazakhstan!
Liang: (the confusion) laugh! What laughter!
Guan Yu: (look in the mirror) I also think that military adviser chic?
Liang: Who said that?
Guan Yu: You do not say cool!
Liang: ￥ ￥ # ?-?#! ?? @ ... ...
Guan Yu: (Zuokanyoukan) big brother I do?
Liang: the Chu Gong.
Guan Yu: Chu Gong? What does this mean?
Liang: I am a civilized, B, I do not say bad language! - - Mean shit!
Guan Yu: forget it. From today, I would like to send something. (The packages put out)
Liang: hey ... ... not gifts for the holidays this year, only gifts ... ...
Guan Yu: Melatonin?
Liang: Do not advertise good! Wrong! The old help them!
Guan Yu: What thing?
Liang: A strong wine, He Leta, the toxins can be beauty, skin whitening, la Phytosome ... ...
Guan Yu: Yes there is!
Liang: I would!
Guan Yu: Who says you give? I am the big brother to me.
Liang: Wait ... ... how all of a sudden the gifts?
Guan Yu: Hee hee ... ... you know ... ... ... ... This selection
Liang: stop! You do not!
Guan Yu: Why? I do not bargain-British Shuai (Note: read jiang, four tones)?
Liang: (serious tone of the report) Guan Yu comrades in battle is no performance is said to hide in Jingzhou Special Administrative Region of porn and alcohol all day long, you Hezui satisfied!
Guan Yu: it wrong! I only experience it live!
Liang: In any case, do not you!
Guan Yu: ... ... I said, hey, I at least have the administrative level and Liu Peng, I have the same level it big brother, how you say it should take care of you?
Liang: (pointing to the packages) What do you mean! Bribery leadership? We do not eat the Hanzhong's land!
Guan Yu: (Yizhou brow, the body center of dollars to) forget it, I do not dispute the. I see you are tired, you Xie Yihui, relax, I sing to you.
Liang: is required. (Sit down, Pazhuo)
Guan Yu: (adds, "Tian Mi Mi" of the tunes, slow deep singing) Xixi miserable you laugh ... ... ... ... Xixi suffer like flowers open in the autumn wind, I gallinae ... ... ... ... out to a
Liang: Cut!
Guan Yu: (singing Rock) who I call on him gently, a latrine to wash the toilet; run into an old woman, her name is ... pineapple ...
Liang: stop-stop!
Guan Yu: (hoarse accent) If you want to leave me, I pictures back to you, I also found I can not be returned to my mother ... ...
Liang: on! I served U!
Guan Yu: would also like to come?
Liang: I ... blood ...
Guan Yu: Yes, division, which to you. (Come up with a bag of gold coins)
Liang: wow! Gold! I love it!
Guan Yu: Well ... that ... thing? ? Heng Heng? ?
Liang: all packets in me!
Guan Yu: What do you put my name go together.
Liang: (write) it!
Guan Yu: Thank you! Division, you have the great good, I like you well!
[Voice-over: Liu Bei: pig, that the Five Tigers named to the file room manager handed me!
Guan Yu: military adviser tired, I helped you.
Liang: Ha ha. You really have my heart.
Guan Yu: the award-winning division. (Pick up the paper the next)
Liang: (out of gold, delighted to see) Why? How ... ... (ripping out "gold" skin) ah? Gold is Qiaoke

Answer 3

Guan Yu: (carrying packages, the knock on the door in a low voice)
[Voice: The knock on the door in a low voice: Dong Dongdong ... ... .Guan Yu: (a little loud knock on the door)
[Voice: a little loud voice: Guang Guang Guang ... ...
Liang: (stretch, yawn ... ...) ah --
Guan Yu: (urgent. Chuaikai kicked the door) of the Ya!
Guan Yu: (robust first, and then laughs) wow - Kazakhstan - Kazakhstan - Kazakhstan
Guan Yu: (look in the mirror) I also think that military adviser chic-

Answer 4

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