我写的一篇英语作文求老师打分，如果有bug请指出，非常感谢

Question

2010年广州将举办亚运会。你从报纸上得知广州亚运会组织委员会将招募志愿者。请你以个人名义给组委会写一封申请信，说明你希望当一名志愿者。心中必须包括：
1你申请的理由
2具备的条件
3有何设想和建议
March 23,2008

Dear Sir/Madam
I'v learnt from newspaper that GuangZhou Asian Games Organizing is recuiting volunteers for Asian Games in GuangZhou in 2010.
As a college student,I think I am able to do this work.Firstly,I have learnt spoken English before so that I can communicate with foreigners.(这里我想语气改得委婉一点，我学过一点点口语，能够简单应付少数外国人)Secondlly, I have been in GuangZhou for 3 years. I know a lot about GuangZhou.Besides, I love sports very much.I am very interested in becoming a volunteers of the Asian Games.
I hope there will be some training about English for sports,etiqutte and Chinese culture.I will try my best to do this work.
I look forward to the news of being accepted.
Sincerely Yours
ZhangMing

括号中是我的疑问，非常感激解答者。

Answer 1

1. I'v（I have) learnt（得知最好不要用learn啦，用notice注意到) from（加the最好特指一下) newspaper that GuangZhou Asian Games Organizing is recuiting(不要用recuit, 用recruit,这个才是招募的意思）volunteers for Asian Games in GuangZhou in 2010

2.As a college student, I think I am able (可以用I have some apecial abilities) to do this work. Firstly, I have learnt spoken English before so that I can communicate with foreigners.（我的修改：I'm extremely good at English, especially oral part. So I beliebe no one can be better than me for this job）

3.Secondlly（又是基本的单词错误）, I have been in GuangZhou for 3 years. I know a lot about GuangZhou.（这句话你知道广州很多，但是你能干些什么呢？ 这样就没了？建议可以改成，I have lived in Guangzhou for 3 years so Guangzhou is like another hometown for me. I love this city more than anyone else. Maybe I can show some foreigners around and let them know how beautiful Guangzhou is.

4.Besides, I love sports very much.I am very interested in becoming a volunteers of the Asian Games.(I love.....very much, I am very......这样的句式太老套啦，不能老用very..这样直接就体现出词穷嘛~）建议修改:Moreover,I have a keen interest in the sports...For instance（这里可以加点瞎掰的东西，获奖经历啥的~）同样：I am looking forward to be a ……(这里写的很好）

5.I hope there will be some training about English for sports,etiqutte and Chinese culture.I will try my best to do this work.这句话的语法有点问题，有点典型的中式英文哦亲~I hope this organization will provie some trainings for volunteers, like how to use English to talk about Chinese culture.....blahblah..你懂得）

6.I look forward to the news of being accepted. （这个句式我前面提到过的，I am looking foward to be accepted. 或者说I wish I can get offer to this job)

点评：总体内容还不错啦，构思也还不错。建议注意最基本的错误（单词）然后就是语法方面稍加注意就好。
P.S以上只是基本的修改，希望采纳~
如果说要求评分的话：10分满分，你在4-6分）
希望继续努力哦亲~

追问

里面有写单词是我打错了，我写是没有错的，我觉得你的修改太美化了，但是我这里作文的要求是要精简，而且单词要尽量用比较简单的，第五句那句是从答案的范文中抄的。其他的参考下修改，第四真棒，我也觉得那样很老套。
可能你写作文的等级比较高，我的答案的范文也是很精简的，我觉得那样就够了，就是要表达清楚意思就OK了，你修改的不但篇幅大了好多，他要求100个词左右就行了，不过你的解答让我受益匪浅，真厉害，佩服啊。

追答

哈哈，有点不好意思。
我能看的出来是你打错了，所以不管怎么样就是希望能细心一点（害羞中……哈哈）
如果是要求精炼嘛，你写的可以在6-8分= =sorry我没怎么认真看题目（捂脸= =）
第5句感觉高端是好高端就是有点weird.......
另外谢谢你啊- -
加油~再接再厉！

Answer 2

首先，正式的书面语中不可以试用缩写，请用i have learnt

组织委员会译为committee就好了

able这里不太合适，用capable更好，这才是胜任的意思

As a college student,I think I am able to do this work.Firstly,I have⋯⋯这部分语意不连贯，建议改为As a college student,I think I am able to do this work in following aspects. Firstly,I have⋯⋯

另外，语气不能委婉，因为你要自信的证明你的能力，建议改为Firstly,I have learnt English for several years, so I can communicate with foreigners fluently.

Besides, I love sports very much.I am very interested in becoming a volunteers of the Asian Games.这句话讲你申请的理由，按题目要求应该放在具备的条件之前，并单独成一段。Besides去掉，改为It is fascinating for me to become a volunteers of the Asian Games because⋯⋯

accepted应该改为admitted

追问

先感谢你的回答，I have learnt这个地方 我的书本上很多都是有用缩写的呀，答案里面也有用到的。
最后一个就是accepted也没有问题 因为 答案里面的范文恰好就是用的accepted。
其他我觉得都不错，我参考下，感谢

追答

好吧，我任然坚持在正是书面语中最好不要试用缩写，学校考试作文当不会这么讲究，以后真的要写申请信了，还是别用了

accepted为接受
admitted为录用，个人认为录用更合适更地道，至于范文，随便吧

最后祝你英语进步

Answer 3

Dear Sir/Madam
I'v learnt from newspaper that GuangZhou Asian Games Organizing is recuiting volunteers for Asian Games in GuangZhou in 2010.
As a college student,I think I am able to do this work.Firstly,I have learnt spoken English before so that I can communicate with foreigners.(这里我想语气改得委婉一点，我学过一点点口语，能够简单应付少数外国人)Secondlly, I have been in GuangZhou for 3 years. I know a lot about GuangZhou.Besides, I love sports very much.I am very interested in becoming a volunteers of the Asian Games.
I hope there will be some training about English for sports,etiqutte and Chinese culture.I will try my best to do this work.
I look forward to the news of being accepted.
Sincerely Yours
ZhangMing

我说一下
第二句 i've learnt, learnt 是学习 i saw the newspaper 是我从报纸上看到 或 i read the newpaper 我从报纸上读到。

第二句 Asain Games organizing is recuiting. 应该是organization吧。

第三句可以加上 the Asian games that is being held at guangzhou 2010.

第四句可改－ as a citizien of guangzhou （因为你是一个college的student广州的亚运跟你八干子打不着） 广州的公民好一些。

第四句able 可改 capable

第四句 i have learnt spoken english 我学过讲的英语 可改 i have learnt english and i know how to speak it. 我学过我也能讲。或 and i also know how to speak english 或 i can talk to foreigners in english.

其他都满好的。

追问

先感谢你的回答，
第一句，是我从报纸了解到的意思，可以这么用的
第二句不好意思你说得对了一般，因为我这个地方打漏了committee，那个地方是organizing，只是漏了个单词
第四句这句我觉得改不改应该没多大影响的，因为我本身就是要表达我是大学生有一些能力去应付这份工具。
其他的多谢了，我参考参考。

Answer 4

spoken English 改为oral english

追问

为什么这么改呢，spoken English也是口语啊

追答

好像真是，我忘记了

Answer 5

v