英语幽默短剧剧本 带翻译

Question

故事就行！

Answer 1

旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. 在很久很久以前，有个疯狂的国度住着一群疯狂的人，用疯狂的方式给人们讲述着疯狂的故事。o(∩_∩)o...哈哈Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth. 闻名遐迩的刀客，荆轲先生，被委以刺杀秦始皇嬴政的任务。但最终还是失败鸟。你想知道当时的情形如何吗？好，下面的我们将给你呈现当时真实的一幕。Action I 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：魔镜魔镜告诉我，天下男人谁最美？ (画外音：是你是你太子丹 太子丹高兴状) 非常感谢，我的魔镜 （面对观众） 我是太子丹，魔镜告诉我说我是天下最美的男人 但是嬴政老小子嫉妒于我，倘若给他从魔镜那儿得知了真相，必要追杀于我 。太可怕了，我该咋办啦？ (向幕里大叫) 我的小弟们呢，哪儿去了？ 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming 亲耐滴老大，我来也。太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!我怎么告诉你的，以后见到我要喊“我最最漂亮，潇洒，帅气，和蔼，可爱，机灵和尊敬的太子丹殿下”，你又忘了！阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）了解，亲耐滴！我有个好主意。我们找个大英雄去刺杀嬴政。太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?妙计！那么谁是最佳人选捏？阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.眼下我有俩在册人手，一个名曰李莫愁，另一个便是荆轲。明天他们讲通过PK来角逐最佳杀手称号！太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?那行，动作要快，ok？阿三：Yes.着！

Answer 2

Three Times’ Beating Monster
人物：T唐僧 S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒 J：沙僧
B：白骨精 B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆
B3：B变化成的老头 N：哪吒
T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?
S: Bajie,map!
E: (摸出，递给S)
S: Look,master (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）
T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, nof to bring these pictures of beautiful girls with you!
E: Oh,master!Forgive me(伸手拿回)
T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west
E: But……
T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?
E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.
S: Fat Pig!
E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….
S: You will what(凶相)?
E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).
S: Hm!
T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?
E: You see ,master is hungry,too!
T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!
J: But master,if a monster comes while brother monkeg is away…..
T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?
S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）
E: This is…..?
S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from master’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!
T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!
S: Bye!(走)
T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》
B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)
B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?
T: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against Landlord and three people are enough.
B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!
T: Bomb?(打出)
B1: Double King!
T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a master-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)
S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)
B1: （倒)Ah……
T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!
S: She is a monster!
T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)
S: Oh,please don’t……
T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)
S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)
T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!
B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)
B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?
T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)
S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)
E&J: Are you Ok, master?(扶T)
J: Look,(伸食指)how many?
T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)
B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)
S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)
T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!
S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!
T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!
S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》
E: Master, brother Monkey is.......
T: Scratch! Don't mention that guy any more!
B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)
T: （惊）You are......
B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)
B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......
S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.
T: Wukong?
E: Oh,Brother Monkey!
J: Our hero is back!
T: I,I can't understand......What happened?
S: Master,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!
T: How,how did you find out?
S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)
N: Excuse me, where is the cniminal?
S; Ah......you are too late ,Nezha!(对T)I've called the police.
N: (摇醒B)You are under arrest .(出示证件)You have the right to remain silent If you give up the right, anything you will say can and will be against you in a court of law!(带走B)
T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)
S: What?
T: I'm sorry.
S: Em? Louder,please?
T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）
T: Let's go guys!( 歌)
S: You are carrying the luggage, I am leading the horse.
E: Say goodbye to the sun, Welcome evening glow.
J: Sleeping on the ground, again we set out set out, again we set out.
T.S.E.J: Ah......Ah...... Sleeping on the ground again we set out.
T: One after the other the seasons go by,and ohe after the other, the year go on. You wonder where the road is. The road is under your feet.
T.S.E.J: You uonder where the road is, the road is under your feet......
(谢幕)

Answer 3

A:sir,sir,please give me a piece of bread.thank you,sir.I’m hungry to die.
B:get away,get away,dirty man.
A:sir,sir!!
B:run away,please run away.I have no food,and I don’t have money,either.
C:hey,xiao D,he is so foolish,isn’t he?
D:yes,yes.
A:but....sir....please listen to me.....
B:wa,why are you so disgusting!!
C:hey,chair,do you feel the man sat on you a moment ago is very stupid.
E:ai,pretty flower,do you know,men are always very silly.
D:yes,yes!!
E:sir!you lost your wallet!can’t you be more clever?
F:good morning,everybody.I’m a jonrnist F. Today I saw a very weird thing--a chair open her mouth,and two men are frightened to faint.now,I will intenview the two nozzy man.
B:wo,my god,wo,my,mum.
F:I’m sorry to tell you this man has been mad.we needn’t take notice of him.let me interview the other man,hello,man,can you tell men why didn’t you tell him he lost his wallet?
A:I’m sorry,I don’t know how to speak '钱包' in english......
F:dear audience,through this thing we can learn that how improtant it is to mastery a foreign language,and how lagre the money affect us.is that all right,chair?
E:yes,yes.
C:ai,men is so silly.
D:don’t believe us,it is just a fairly tale.

A(衣衫褴褛） B（衣着光鲜） C小花 D小草 E椅子 F新闻记者
B坐在E上吃东西，A一乞丐上前
A：先生，先生，请给我些面包，谢谢，我饿得不行了。
B：（厌恶）让开，让开。（然后便起身离开，这时他的钱包掉到E上头了）
A：先生，先生（A看见后，立即拾起，追上了走远的B）
B：让开，让开啊，我没吃的了，也没钱了（看也不看A，仍自顾自地走了）
C：他真愚蠢啊
D：是啊是啊（D点头附和）
A：可……先生……您听我说……（仍拉着B衣服的后摆）
B：挖，你这人怎么这么讨厌！（还是没有回头看A一眼）
C：椅子啊，你会不会觉得刚刚坐在你身上的人特愚蠢？
E：唉，人总是这么愚蠢啊~~~~
D：是啊是啊
与此同时A与B还在纠缠，这时E终于隐忍不住爆发了。
E：先生！你的钱包丢了！你怎么这么傻啊。
A与B同时回头，看见了那会说话的椅子E，吓昏过去了。这一幕恰巧被经过的F看见了。于是F就报道了这一事件。
F：大家好，我是新闻记者F，今天我看见了一个奇异的现象，一个椅子说话了，两个人被吓昏了，下面我将采访一下被吓昏的两个人。
B：哦，上帝，哦，妈妈。
F：这个人傻了，我们不鸟他了，下面我采访一下另一个人吧，请问你为什么不告诉他，他的钱包丢了？
A：对不起，我不知道“钱包”这个单词怎么讲……
F：通过这一事件，我们可以认识到，掌握一门外语的重要性，以及金钱给人类带来的影响。是吗，椅子？
E：是啊，是啊（E傻傻地拼命点头）
C：唉，人可真愚蠢，椅子也被他们弄傻了。
D：谁让这是一个童话呢……

Answer 4

　A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head."

　　"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes."

　　"Where is the shopping bag?"

　　"I haven't got one-use your hat

Notes:

　　(1) make fun of取笑；嘲弄

　　(2) shopping bag购物袋

Exercises:

根据短文判断下列句子正（T）、（F）：

　　① The boy was complaining to his mother.

　　② Children made fun of him because he had a beautiful head.

　　③ The mother was angry when she heard what her son had told her.

　　④ The mother couldn't find their shopping bag.

　　⑤ The boy did have a big head .

大头娃娃

　　一个小男孩向他母亲哭诉道：“他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。” “别听他们的，”他母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买十斤土豆来。”

　　“购物袋在哪儿？”

　　“没购物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”

Answer 5

Scene1（At Salesman’s home）：

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!

S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……

Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)。

First, put the flour on the table.

Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)。

Now press, press……

Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)。

Press, press……

Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!

Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……

Now let me cut it into pieces!

剧本主要分为文学剧本与摄影剧本。文学剧本是比较突出文学性的剧本，摄影感偏低，包含话剧本(或称戏剧本)、小说剧本(或称剧小说)、小品剧本、相声剧本等;摄影剧本是比较突出拍摄感的剧本，文学艺术性可高可低(根据影片题材、市场、投资金等综合情况决定)，包含分景剧本、分镜剧本(分镜脚本或电影剧本)、台本等。

剧本是一种文学体裁，是戏剧艺术创作的文本基础，编导与演员根据剧本进行演出。与剧本类似的词汇还包括脚本、剧作等等。它是以代言体方式为主，表现故事情节的文学样式。

剧本是舞台表演或拍戏的必要工具之一，是剧中人物进行对话的参考语言，是一门为舞台表演服务的艺术样式，区别于戏剧和其他文学样式。