急急.麻烦英语高人看看.这篇英语报价信有哪里错误吗？

Question

Circle Sports Shoes Co. Ltd.
Xinhua Road
Beijing 210004
China
28 July 2012
Lucky Shoes Retailer
Rochester Street 24100
Singapore

Dear Sir or Madam
Subject: Women and men’s shoes price list
Thank you for your letter of 17July requesting a price list about our range of shoes. I was pleased to hear that we had been recommended to you by Mr Lim Chee who has been one of our regular customers for a number of years. I take great pleased in endosing this quotation .
A series B series
Man @US $ 200 @US $ 300
Woman @US $ 120 @US $ 240
Less 5% discount for purchasing more than 200 pairs of each series.
Man @US $ 190 @US $ 285
Woman @US $ 114 @US $ 228
The above quoted price includes transportation and insurance. Please note that this quotation is subject to acceptance within two weeks. We can guarantee delivery within five days of receipt of a firm order. If you have further queries, please do not hesitate to call me.
Your sincerely
Dow Chen
manger

Answer 1

在普遍使用电子邮件争取时效的今天，仍然在用传统书信格式和客户交流的情形实在不多见。
如果你是发邮件，那么格式可以不用这么正式了。如果真的是以书信邮寄或传真，但没有印刷好的公司正式信纸，也可以用微软办公软件如Word 自己在"header"和"footer" 设计一下，把公司logo 和 地址电话这些囊括其中。如此，格式上就不必重复打出发信者的名称地址了，形象上看着也不至于过于“守旧”。

I. 格式上的建议：
如果是发电子邮件 - 直接从 Dear Sir or Madam 开始，其他（包括subject部分）全部不需要重复
如果是发正式信函 - 如果愿意考虑上述建议，让信看来是打在“信纸”上的感觉的话，格式应该如下：
28 July 2012

Lucky Shoes Retailer
Rochester Street 24100
Singapore

Subject: Quotation for Men's and Women’s shoes

Dear Sir or Madam:

II. 内容上的建议：
1) Opening paragraph 可以简洁一点

Thank you for your letter of 17July and your interest in our product lines. I was very happy to learn that Mr. Lim Chee recommended us - we are proud to have served his needs over the years. I am pleased to present the following price quotations for your consideration:

2) 报价中没有说清楚单位，这些美元报价是“每双”的单价吗？那就应该注明 /pair
3) 包含运费和保险，运输方式没提，是 Air Cargo 还是其他？
4) 报价有效期，一般不是用 is subjected to acceptance within ... 来表达。只需在后面加一句 The prices quoted will be valid for two weeks.
5) 保证交货还是交运, we can guarantee delivery within 5 days ... 这句话意思不够明确。是收到订单后5日内“交运”the order will be shipped within 5 days 还是客户能在下单后5日内“收到”？
6）信尾 Your sincerely 在商业书信中比较常见“不卑不亢”的用
Cordially,

Dow Chen
Manager （注意拼字）
要用sincerely 也行, 应该用 Sincerely yours, 取代 Cordially,