英语相声急求一篇英语相声要带翻译的有的别藏着啊！！

Question

跪求一篇英语相声要带翻译的，短，短，短，短，不要低级庸俗的，最好是中国的相声演员的相声用英语翻译过来的，只要双人说的有的别藏着啊啊啊啊啊

Answer 1

　　口吐莲花
　　甲：一二三，二二三。
　　乙：当当！
　　甲：不行太慢，快着点。
　　乙：行了，当当！
　　甲：我还没打怎么就响了？
　　乙：这可难办，快了又快了，慢了又慢了，怎么合适？
　　甲：锤到锣鸣。
　　乙：行了。
　　甲：一二三，二二三。
　　乙：当当！
　　甲：跟我师父学艺在茅山。（乙：当当）茅山有个毛老道，他把戏法儿对我传，传会了徒弟整八个，倒有七个成了仙。因为我贪财没得道，我师一怒把我轰下山，轰下山来没有别的干，变个戏法儿大家观，变个珍珠倒卷帘，珍珠倒卷帘啊——（乙连打当）
　　甲：好。
　　乙：您变哪。
　　甲：现在变不了。
　　乙：怎么？
　　甲：我这是试试锣。
　　乙：啊！试试，白打了。那我这锣行不行啊？
　　甲：行。
　　乙：那您继续变吧。
　　甲：我正式请神。
　　乙：怎么您还请神？有神吗？
　　甲：没告诉您这是锣套子溜口辙吗？请神可是请神，你可别说话。因为我请这神仙脾气都大。您一说话他就走了，他一步我就变不出来了。
　　乙：好，那我不说话。
　　甲：老不说话也不行。
　　乙：什么时候说话呢？
　　乙：先生，您倒是喷哪！
　　甲：我全咽了！
　　乙：嗐！

　　Lotus口吐

　　A: 123, 223.

　　B: Dangdang!

　　A: not too slow, the point quickly.

　　B: line, and Dangdang!

　　A: I did not how to fight on the ring?

　　B: This can be difficult, fast and faster, and slower and slower, how appropriate?

　　A: Hammer to gong ming.

　　B: it.

　　A: with my master in Maoshan Wells. (B: Dangdang) has a gross Maoshan Road, his son told me the trick Law Chuan, Chuan will be the apprentice the whole eight, it became seven cents. Money because I did not win the division I am angry I H-down, no other H-down to dry, change a child you tricks, and changed screens倒卷of pearl, pearl curtain倒卷ah - (b even when playing )

　　A: Yes.

　　B: What you become.

　　A: It can not be changed.

　　B: how?

　　A: I am gong to try.

　　B: ah! Try, the白打. Gong line that I can not ah?

　　A: line.

　　B: that you continue to change it.

　　A: I have officially requested the gods.

　　B: how you please God? God it?

　　A: This is not gong to tell you point溜口cap it? But please God, please God, you can not speak. I ask this because the gods are big temper. You say he left, he changed, I do not step out.

　　B: Well, I do not speak.

　　A: do not speak too old.

　　B: When a remark?

　　B: Sir, what you spray it!