紧急，高分。劳驾英语高手帮我看一小段文章
希望将语法错误或者用的不太合适的地方帮我指明一下，这个文档紧急，在线等。如果回答很合适会追加分。谢谢大家帮忙了。。。
这是写给老师的一段话，语气要求尽量客气尊敬：
(State the reason why you chose to apply to this university.)
Since I have studied polymer materials for more than three years, I have built up my interest in it, so I’d like to devote myself to this field. As we know, Japan take possession of the most advanced scientific technology in Asia or even in the world, so I’m eager to go to Japan to continue my study.
In addition, I love Japanese culture since my childhood, such as Japanese TV play, cartoon and traditional etiquette, which leads me to study Japanese by myself in my part-time and have reached the modern level.
Moreover, I have a relatively wealthy family so that can afford my tuition and daily spending.
Fortunately, I met Dr.Shui who taught me professional Japanese recently. He is an excellent professor who has finished his bachelor, master and doctor degree in your university. Thanks to him, I acknowledged more detail information about your university, and that strengthens my determination to go to your university especially with his encouragement and recommendation.
If I’m permitted luckily, I will study harder during my school life in Japan, obey the local law and live in harmony with my schoolmate.
I believe it will be unforgettable memories and make a importance change on me if I could be admitted to enter your university.
最后一段 an important change on me.打错了 ,希望大家帮我修改的更合适些而不是做翻译。。。 modern level是想表达日语达到了日语能力考试的二级水平。也就是中级水平
As I have studied polymer materials for more than three years, I became very interested in this field, and would love to devote myself to further my education in this field. Because Japan has the most technologically advanced country in Asia, perhaps in the world, I will honored to have the chance to continue my study in Japan.
Also, I have had a deep interest in Japanese culture since chilhood. I love the traditional etiquettes of Japan as well as its drama productions and animated films which deepened my interest in this culturally enriched country. In an effort to better understand Japanese culture, I undertook Japanese courses during my free time and can now speak Japanese moderately well.
During my research for universities that offer courses in this field, I came across Dr. Shui who has received his bachlor, master and doctor degree after attending your university. Thanks to him, not only did my Japanese improve, but I also attained much more detailed information regarding your university. As I learn more of the core study areas covered by the course and the way learning is approached in your university, I am confident that your unviersity is the best one for me.
If I am accepted into your university, I will be dedicated in my study, be cooperative in class and be a honest citizen who obeys the law at all times.
I believe thatn studying at your university will be an unforgettable and challenging experience which may well change me and my life. I will be honored to be accepted into your university.
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个人认为说明申请某所大学的理由的时候，最好还是夸夸那所大学，赞美之词只要是合理的越多越好。如果写得好象他们大学是你这辈子唯一想去的大学的话，成功率可能更高。
关于你可以付学费的那部分删掉了，毕竟这也不算理由。而且能付学费的人虽然不多，但是绝对不少，他们绝对不会因为你可以付学费而选择你。
希望对你有帮助~
天上~
注：如果需要翻译，可以百度HI我~
As we know--As we known
Japan take possession--Japan takes possession
本段中出现了两个so，建议第二个改成therefore
第二段
modern level是什么？你是不是要表达moderate level
第三段
I have a relatively wealthy family so that can afford my tuition and daily spending.
建议写成My parent wish me to get a higher degree and would love to support my tuition fee and the cost of living. 因为直接谈钱不答好，不如转而说父母的期盼
第四段
bachelor, master, doctor首字母大写
I acknowledged more detail information about your university，这个your university改成学校名吧~如果你想去这个学校，还一直你们你们的~感觉很有距离感
倒数第二段用obeying和living
后面基本没有问题~
最后一段university前面加个prestigious 好像会添点色
还有问题请随时hibaidu
希望回答对你有帮助
此外，我从小就喜欢日本文化，例如日本电视剧，动画片和传统礼仪，这使我自己来研究日本在我的兼职并达到了现代化水平。
此外，我有一个相对富裕的家庭，使有能力负担我的学费和日常开支。
幸运的是，我最近遇见了教我日本专业Dr.Shui。他是一个优秀的教授,在你的大学已经完成了学士，硕士和博士学位。全靠他，我承认你的大学更多的详细信息，并加强我的决心，去你的大学，尤其是他的鼓励和建议。
如果允许我很幸运，我将更加努力学习期间，我在日本的学校生活，遵守当地的法律和生活在我的同学和谐。
我相信这将是难忘的回忆，对我的重要性作出改变，如果我能进入贵校录取。
In addition, I love Japanese culture since my childhood, such as Japanese TV play, cartoon and traditional etiquette, which leads me to learn Japanese by myself in my part-time and have reached the modern level.
Moreover, I have a relatively wealthy family which can afford my tuition and daily spending.
Fortunately, I met Dr. Shui who taught me professional Japanese recently. He is an excellent professor who got his bachelor, master and doctor degrees in your university. Thanks to him, I acknowledged more detailed information about your university, and that strengthens my determination to go to your university especially with his encouragement and recommendation.
If I will be lucky enough to get admitted, I will study harder during my school life in Japan, obey the local law and get along with my schoolmates.
I believe it will be an unforgettable experience and have a positive impact on me if I could be admitted to your university.
In addition, I love Japanese culture since my childhood, such as Japanese TV play【TV dramas】, cartoon【复数】 and traditional etiquette, which leads【lead】 me to study Japanese by myself in my part-time【when i am free or in my free time】 and have reached the modern level【modern level你想表达什么？】.
Moreover, I have a relatively wealthy family so that【I】 can afford my tuition and daily spending【复数】.
Fortunately, I met Dr.Shui who taught me professional Japanese recently. He is an excellent professor who has finished his bachelor, master and doctor degree in your university. Thanks to him, I acknowledged more detail information about your university, and that strengthens my determination to go to your university especially with his encouragement and recommendation.
If I’m permitted luckily, I will study harder during my school life in Japan, obey【ing】 the local law and live【ing】 in harmony with my schoolmate【复数】.
I believe it will be unforgettable memories【wonderful memory for me】 and make a importance change on me 【make me different】if I could be admitted to enter your university.
（说明理由你为什么选择申请这所学校。）
既然我已经学了三年以上高分子材料，我已经建立了我对它的兴趣，所以我想献身于这一领域。我们知道，日本采取了最先进的科学技术在亚洲甚至在世界上拥有，所以我很想去日本继续学习。
此外，我从小就喜欢日本文化，例如日本电视剧，动画片和传统礼仪，这使我自己来研究日本在我的兼职并达到了现代化水平。
此外，我有一个相对富裕的家庭，使有能力负担我的学费和日常开支。
幸运的是，我遇见了谁教我专业Dr.Shui日本最近。他是一个优秀的教授谁在你的大学已经完成了学士，硕士和博士学位。全靠他，我承认你的大学更多的详细信息，并加强我的决心，去你的大学，尤其是他的鼓励和建议。
如果允许我很幸运，我将更加努力学习期间，我在日本的学校生活，遵守当地的法律和生活在我的同学和谐。
我相信这将是难忘的回忆，对我的重要性作出改变，如果我能进入贵校录取。
