翻译一下这几个笑话.

Question

一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。
他不放心的问道:turn left？
监考官回答：right。
于是他立刻向右转。
很抱歉他只有下次再来。

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：i am sorry。
老外应道：i am sorry too。
某人听后又道：i am sorry three。
老外不解，问what are you sorry for？
某人无奈，道：i am sorry five。

若干年前，一位老兄到纽约公干。工作之余，也打算休息休息，看看风景名胜。
为此他查了大量的资料，做了充分的准备。众多名胜之一，就有自由女神像（Statue of Liberty）。
为了确保能够到达仰慕已久的地方，他甚至把负责自由女神像参观的联系电话都找到 - 666-2613。
于是，他就打辆出租出发了。下面是他和出租司机的对话。
Driver: “ Where do you want to go., sir? “
Mr. D: “ FREE Woman, Do you know where I can find Free Woman? “
Driver: “ What? :-O Hey man, here is America, nothing is free !!! “
Mr. D: “ Oh, how comes. I read it from yellow page. See,
here is the phone number, sex-sex-sex-two-sex-one-free.“

某年大学联招英文作文试题 “黑羊与白羊“请考生看完前段提示后接著完成全文~~~提示如下：
“One day the black goat meet the white goat on a bridge..”
有一名考生的回答如下：
then the black goat asked the white goat “Can you speak Chinese?“.
The white goat answered “Why not!“
以下全部以中文做答。。。。。。

昨天来了个老外，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就面带微笑的：
前台小姐：“hello?”
老外：“hi.”
前台小姐：“you have what thing?”
老外：“can you speak English? ”
前台小姐：“if I not speak English, I am speaking
what?”
老外：“can anybody else speak English? ”
前台小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing,
no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait,
you go.”
老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak
English?”
前台小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on
earth have what thing.”
老外：“I want to speak to your head.”
前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”

帮忙把英文翻译一下,谢谢!
是把英文翻译成中文哎!没办法,主要是我看不懂嘛...英语太烂

Answer 1

一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。
他不放心的问道:turn left？向左转？
监考官回答：right。对。（right可以做“对”或“右边”讲）
于是他立刻向右转。
很抱歉他只有下次再来。

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：i am sorry。我很抱歉。
老外应道：i am sorry too。我也很抱歉。（这里too被当成了数字2，two。）
某人听后又道：i am sorry three。我第三次道歉。
老外不解，问what are you sorry for？你为什么要道歉？（这里把for当成了数字4，four了。）
某人无奈，道：i am sorry five。我第五次道歉。

若干年前，一位老兄到纽约公干。工作之余，也打算休息休息，看看风景名胜。
为此他查了大量的资料，做了充分的准备。众多名胜之一，就有自由女神像（Statue of Liberty）。
为了确保能够到达仰慕已久的地方，他甚至把负责自由女神像参观的联系电话都找到 - 666-2613。
于是，他就打辆出租出发了。下面是他和出租司机的对话。
Driver: “ Where do you want to go., sir? ” 先生你想去哪里？
Mr. D: “ FREE Woman, Do you know where I can find Free Woman? ”免费女人。你知道我可以在哪里找到免费女人吗？（free可以翻译成自由或者免费，Mr.D把自由女神翻译成了：free woman，也就是免费女人 = =）
Driver: “ What? :-O Hey man, here is America, nothing is free !!! ” 什么？喂，伙计，这里是美国，没有免费的东西。
Mr. D: “ Oh, how comes. I read it from yellow page. See, here is the phone number, sex-sex-sex-two-sex-one-free.”怎么会这样？我从黄页（电话本，有所有住家电话，还有企业，旅游地点的电话）。看，电话号码在这里：2上1免费（这里数字6，six 被念成了sex，xing，而数字3，three被念成了free，免费的）

某年大学联招英文作文试题 “黑羊与白羊“请考生看完前段提示后接著完成全文~~~提示如下：
“One day the black goat meet the white goat on a bridge..” 一天黑羊在桥上遇到了白羊
有一名考生的回答如下：
then the black goat asked the white goat “Can you speak Chinese?.”这时，黑羊问白羊：“你会说中文吗？”
The white goat answered “Why not!”白羊回答说：“为什么不？”
以下全部以中文做答。。。。。。

昨天来了个老外，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就面带微笑的：
前台小姐：“hello?” 你好
老外：“hi.” 你好
前台小姐：“you have what thing?” 你有什么事？（此为中式英语。）
老外：“can you speak English? ” 你会说英文吗？
前台小姐：“if I not speak English, I am speaking
what?” 如果我不是在说英文，我在说什么？
老外：“can anybody else speak English? ” 别人也会说英文吗？
前台小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing,
no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait,
you go.” 你自己看看，所有人都在玩，没有人有时间，你可以等，你不等，你走。（还是中式英语）
老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak
English?” 天啊，这里每个人都会说英文？
前台小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on
earth have what thing.”喊什么喊，安静一点，你到底有什么事？（还是中式英语。）
老外：“I want to speak to your head.” 我想要和你头儿说话。
前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”
头儿不在。你明天来。
（这块的笑点我猜是在最后两句head可以做头颅讲，也可以当成领导解释）

希望对你有帮助~

天上~

Answer 2

1,一位在美的留学生,想要考国际驾照.在考试时因为过于紧张,看到地上标线是向左转。
他不放心的问道:左转吗?
监考官回答:对。
于是他立刻向右转。
很抱歉他只有下次再来。
2 某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成.一日上街不慎与一老外相撞,忙说:很抱歉。
老外应道:对不起了。
某人听后又道:很抱歉三个。
老外不解,,问what ?
某人无奈,道:很抱歉五个。
3 某年大学联招英文作文试题”黑羊与白羊”请考生看完前段提示后接著完成全文~ ~ ~提示如下:
翻译为:“有朝一日,黑色的山羊满足白山羊在桥上。”
有一名考生的回答如下:
然后黑羊白山羊问“你能讲汉语吗?”。
白山羊的回答是“为什么不能呢?”
4
昨天来了个老外进到办公室,前台小姐左看右看,大家都在打游戏,只有自己比较清闲,就面带微笑的:,
前台小姐:“喂?”
老外:“好!”
前台小姐:“你有什么事?”
老外:“你会说英语吗?“
前台小姐:“如果我不讲英语,我是说英语
什么?”
老外:“这里谁会讲英语?“
前台小姐:“你自己吧!所有人都很忙,
没人有时间,你能等就等,不能等,
你去。”
老外:“好heavens.这里有没有人会说话
英语吗?”
前台小姐:“喊什么喊,安静点,你
地球上有什么东西。”
老外:“我想说你的头脑。”
前台小姐:头儿不在,你明天来吧。”

Answer 3

哈哈

老实说，这些笑话翻译后，就一点都不好笑了

Answer 4

In a beautiful student, want to take an examination international driver's license. In the exam because too nervous, see the ground line is to the left.
He doesn't trust of asked: turn left?
Your examiner answer: right.
So he immediately turn right.
Sorry, he only come again next time.

Someone assiduous study English, one small into. 1 with a foreigner street immodesty collided and favour say: I am apply.
Foreigners should way: I am apply these.
Someone after listen to again way: I am apply three.
Foreigners don't understand, ask you apply for sucstressed pains?
Someone is helpless, way: I am apply five.

Several years ago, a man to New York on business. Of the job, also plans to rest, see scenic spot.
Therefore he looked a lot of material, made careful preparations. Many one of the sights of, have the Statue of Liberty (Statue of Liberty).
In order to make sure that you can reach want jion place, he even took responsible for the statue of liberty to visit the contact phone number 666 - find - 2613.
Hence, he catch a taxi set off. Below is he and taxi drivers dialogue.
Is: "Where lesson 48 to go., sir?"
Mr. D: "' Do you copy, where I have been running FREE?" can '
Is: "sorry? Hey man: -o, roll, which goes on behalf is free!!!"
Mr. D: "Oh, how it is i. for the yellow brief. -
There is the sex - please by sex, sex - - to - sex a-one - copy."

Very big kcice recruit English composition exams "black sheep and Aries" please examinee finish see paragraph prompted then complete full-text ~ ~ ~ hint as follows:
"The black goat a-one/meet the goat on a white.on bridge.."
There is a examinee's answer is as follows:
Then the goat "black goat" Can catch the white.on books would?" .
The goat white.on Why not! "state"
The following entirely in Chinese do answer...

Yesterday a foreigner, went into the office and the lady left to see right to see, everybody at dozen game, only his own relatively quiet, just smile:
The lady: "hello?"
Foreigner: "hi."
The lady: "you have pains thing?"
Foreigner: "can you books up?"
The lady: "if I am not speaking books, spending
Sorry? "
Foreigner: "can anybody who else books up?"
The lady: "you yourself look. All people sucstressed playing,
No, you can have a competition, copy, copy pro pro not pro,
You go."
Foreigner: "good heavens. Anybody who can roll books
Spending? "
The lady shout shout: "sorry, good sir a knockout, catch on
Earth have pains thing."
Foreigner: "I connected to your books on the head."
Receptionist: miss: "head not copy usually come.".