The Fairest of the Fair
Aphrodite Athena
Hera Paris
Athena: I am so bored. There is nothing to do up here in MountOlympus.
Hera: Athena My dear, you just have to learn to keep busy.
Athena: You call polishing thunderbolts keeping busy? No thanks.
Hera: Well, I am perfectly happy doing this and occasionally helping out
humans. Why did you know that just the other day I was talking to this nice man named Orpheus whose wife just died.
Athena: Oh, how sad.
Hera: Yes it was but thanks to my help, he is on his way to the underworld
to retrieve his wife as we speak.
Athena: How did you manage that?
Hera: Being the queen of the gods pays off. All I had to do is pull some
divine strings and (snap) Shazam! Back from the dead.
Athena: You owe Hades big time don ya.
Hera: Oh yeah.
Athena :Well hopefully Aphrodite will bring something exciting in the mail.
Hera: Look here she comes.
Aphrodite: Ladies, afternoon mail is here. Let’s see. Athena another bill
from your helmet polisher and Hera here is all of Zeus’s mail. I know you like to sift through it before giving it to him.
Hera: It’s our little secret right.
Aphrodite: Right. Oh and before I forget. . .
Athena: No! I refuse to sit here and listen to you read your thousands of love letters.
Aph. I wasn’t going to do that. No, this is special. Ladies look at
this. . . (She pulls out a golden apple.)
Athena: A golden apple, Oh those are so rare. Hardly anyone comes across
those.
Hera: Not very many people or gods know where they grow.
Athena: I do! (in a teacher voice) The golden apples grow at the western tip of the word. They are guarded by Atlas’s three daughters AKA the Nymphs of the West. Many have said that these three creatures-
Aph.: (cuts off Athena with attitude) not in the mood for a history
lesson. (Athena gives her a dirty look) Anyway, look at the inscription
(reads) or the fairest of the fair."
Athena: The fairest of the fair?
Aph.: That’s what the label says.
Hera : Well, Aphrodite that obviously means that it was meant for you.
Athena: Probably.
Aph. (exaggerated modesty) Stop joking. Surely you don’t suggest I ?why
it’s too silly for words.
Athena: Save it.
Hera: Really, Aphrodite how could anyone possibly think that it was meant
for me. I mean I’m older than you.
Aph.: Just because your years older. Doesn’t mean-
Hera: I said older, not years older. You make me sound ancient.
Athena: But Hera if you refuse the apple then surely you don’t think that I??
Aph. Oh, yes. The apple must be yours, Athena. No one else in Olympus has a figure like yours
Athena: Yeah but look at Hera’s velvety skin.
Hera: What about Aphrodite’s hair?
Aph.: Honestly Hera consider Athena’s eyes.
Athena: (To Aphrodite) And your perfect nose. (To Hera) And your lovely
mouth.
Aph.: Athena is right about your mouth Hera.
Athena: And there is Aphrodite’s posture-
Hera: And Athena’s lovely ear lobes-
(Aphrodite raises her hand in silence and gasps.)
Aph. It is obvious that none of us can decide whom this apple belongs to.
Honestly who was the halfwit who thought three women could decide who was
the most beautiful among them.
Hera (Sighs) I suggest that you just throw the silly thing down the hill.
Athena: Or return to sender, Addressee Unknown.
Aph. You both are right That’s what I do.
Both Athena and Hera: But Aphrodite!
Aph. Yes.
Athena: Well it’s just that someone must have taken a lot of time to carve
that inscription into the apple. It is solid gold.
Hera: Yeah and don’t you think that returning it would be rude after all the work put into it? I’ll tell you what, to make it easy on us all, I will just take it.
Athena: Hera I couldn’t allow you to have to burden yourself so I guess I will have to. .
Aphrodite: I couldn’t possibly let you both to make that kind of sacrifice.
I’m the one who picked the silly thing up so I will just have to force
myself to keep it.
Athena: (Sighs) I think we’are right back where we stared.
Hera: That抯 it!
Athena and Aph.: That’s what?
Hera: (recites) the one above must go below to find the one in three.
Aph. What-
Athena: She’s quoting the Oracle of Delphi again.
Hera: What we need is a man. A human man to decide.
Athena: What a great idea Hera!
Hera: Let the first man to walk beneath this spot be the one. I Hera
command it.
Athena: Oh this is so exciting! I wonder who it will be.
Aph. I hope he’s handsome.
Athena: I hope he’s intelligent.
Hera: I hope he appreciates older women.
Athena: Behold he comes!
Aph.: Good ?orrow stranger!
Paris Oh! Hi there. I seem to be lost. do you know what this place is?
Hera: What is your name, earth person?
Paris: I’m Paris, Paris of Troy. Pleased to meet you I lost my sense
of direction. This isn’t the way to Troy is it?
Aph.: Paris, we seem to be having some trouble making a decision and we were
wondering if you could help us.
Paris: I’m always willing to help a pretty lady.
Athena & Hera: Eh-hem?
Paris: Excuse me, pretty ladies. (Flirtatious)
Athena: Do you see this apple?
Paris: Mmmmm Thanks! I haven’t had lunch yet and I love apples.
Aph. No, no, no. This isn’t an eating apple. It’t solid gold.
Paris: Cool! I can get into the Olympics for the rest of my life with the
money from this-
Hera: No, no, no the apple is not for you.
Athena: What we want you to do is give this apple to whichever one you think is the fairest of the fair.
Paris: The fairest of the fair? But you’re all good looking.
Hera: Yes but one of us has to be just a teeny-weeny bit prettier
Aph.: Paris can I have a private word with you. (Takes him aside)
Hera: Oh no she didn’t!
Athena: Oh yes she did. (Hera and Athena evesdrop)
Aph.: Obviously, this whole thing is just some sort of a game to us. I mean none of us really takes it seriously. So here’s what I’ll do to make your decision a lot easier. If you give me that apple I will get you a date with the most beautiful woman in the world- Helen, queen of Sparta.
Paris: Would you really? Do you have her phone number and everything?
Aph.: Trust me Paris, I have connections.
Hera: Paris can I have a word with you. In private. (Glares at Aph. Who
moves over with Athena)
Paris: Of course.
Hera: Now Paris if you give that apple to me I will make you rich.
Paris: Richer than Midas?
Athena: Paris! (Pushes Aph away towards Hera)
Paris: You want to make things easy for me too I bet.
Athena (sad attempt to flirt) Give the apple to me and I will make you a great warrior
Paris: Would I be able to beat up Achilles. He is always showing off his
muscles.
Athena: When you get through with him he will look like Greek ruin.
Aphrodite: Paris we’re waiting for your answer.
Athena: Paris? Remember Athena
Hera: Paris- remember Hera
Aph.: Paris remember Helen Queen Helen of Sparta 555-HOTT
Paris: The golden apple is yours Aphrodite!
Aph.: Thanks Paris! (She exits)
Paris: I hope you to ladies aren’t to disappoint no hard feelings right?
Athena: No. No hard feelings at all.
Hera: Why should we care if you picked Aphrodite. Fair is fair
Athena: As a matter of facts I think that we ought to give Paris a present
too Hera. Just to show that we have no hard feelings
Hera: Good idea, Paris we are going to give you a wonderful present.
Paris: you are what it going to be?
Athena: (looks knowingly at Hera) A Trojan Horse.
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希腊神话《金苹果>>