200分挑毛病

Question

english learning and history learning

Start from primary school, in the grade of 5, I began to learn English. It was really a long time ago, until now, I still sink into English study since I chose English to be my major in university. While for history, I learned it as a professional subject just 3 years. But history can stimulate my interest and it really teaches a lot.

History helps me to broaden my horizon and takes me to travel the world and appreciate and understand human society and its development through time and space, especially when trying to understand the origin of human and to comprehend all kinds of wars and significant events that happen in history. People say it is wise and useful to look back to history and learn the lesson from the past. What’s more, man can find solutions in history to settle their problem at hands. This is, however, what English cannot provide me. But learning English, on the other hand, makes me understand other civilization and customs that seems very far away from me, far from where I live ,where I has been raised, what I has been educated. It especially and predominately riches my knowledge, open my mind to the outside world and the other culture, principally the western culture.

Learning English is not that easy and it needs persistence and patience, but it is just like a tool, once you master it well, it can be pretty practical and helpful for you to communicate with English-speaking people. However, history can’t be used as a language in communication. So there are different methods to learn English and history. For example, we need to practice speaking English as often as we can, while when learning history, we need to read more extra books that relate to history to fulfill our further understandings.

各位高手尽情发挥吧
1。 请指明哪里错哦（包括原因）
2。 如果你认为哪个地方表达不好，请提出你的建议哦

请大家帮帮忙`````thanks for a million
感动死我了````谢谢各位````yiwanmian说出了我的心声```
谢谢```yfymargarate 洛水清华 benlulu302 看不清的眼镜```还有其他各位好心的朋友们
尤其是mivuliu，花了你快2小时了```我都快拜你为师了```

我是个英语专业的学生``````惭愧了
不知道分给谁好，总之谢谢各位的指点！

Answer 1

Start from primary school（start改为since, start 是动词，后面began也是动词，一句话中不可能有两个动词，再说英语也没有此种说法, from 去掉）, in the grade of 5（in fifth grade）, I began to learn English.

It was really a long time ago, until now,（又是一句话两个动词，将now 后的逗号，变句号，until 前的逗号去掉，将until 变为till）
I still sink into English study since I chose English to be my major in university. (sink into是形容事情慢慢变坏的，用词不当。改为be immersed in, since 要与完成时态连用)

While for history, I learned it as a professional subject just 3 years. （不知你要表达什么意思，如果是要表达至于的话用As for, just 改为for）But history can stimulate my interest and it really teaches a lot. (前后看不出转折的意思来，建议将but删除，)

History helps me to broaden my horizon and takes me to travel the world and appreciate and understand human society and its development through time and space, especially when trying to understand the origin of human and to comprehend all kinds of wars and significant events that happen in history. （这句话太长了，句子太长，不好理解，建议将其变成小短长句，应是先理解，再鉴赏，两个词的顺序颠倒了，这句话我的改法在下面的文章中）

People say it is wise and useful to look back to history and learn the lesson from the past. （回顾与学到教训，我认为是因果关系，建议改成因果从句）

What’s more, man can find solutions in history to settle their problem at hands.（settle 好像不是解决的意思吧，problem 好像应用复数形式at hands应没有S吧）

This is, however, what English cannot provide me. （However,表转折，此话与上文是顺承关系，）
But learning English, on the other hand,（on one hand在哪啊？） makes me understand other civilization and customs that seems very far away from me, far from where I live ,where I has been raised, what I has been educated.（不知是不是写作业，为了凑字数，写了这么多。CUSTOMS是复数，SEEMS得用单数，如果你本来就距外国文明挺远的，不建议用Seem, what改为where,楼主你可能是笔误）

It especially and predominately riches my knowledge, open my mind to the outside world and the other culture, principally the western culture. （OPENS）

Learning English is not that easy and it needs persistence and patience, but it is just like a tool, once you master it well, it can be pretty practical and helpful for you to communicate with English-speaking people.（that 去掉。用的 and 太多不好理解，建议改成短句）
However, history can’t be used as a language in communication（最后两词多余）. So there are different methods to learn English and history. （此句读起来怪怪的，至于错误吧，我也找不出来，反正就是怪，对了method for/of）

For example, we need to practice speaking English as often as we can, while when learning history, we need to read more extra books that relate to history to fulfill our further understandings.（不知你是不是想说课外书，如果是课外书不是用extra 是extracurricular, that relate改为related,用分词做定语）

以下是我修改后文章。
Since fifth grade in primary school, I have begun to learn English.

And It was really a long period till now. I still have been immersing in English study since I chose English as my major in university. As for history, I learned it as a professional subject for 3 years. History can stimulate my interest and it really taught a lot. It broadens my horizon, takes me to travel the world, understand and appreciate human society. Its development through time and space。 (历史好像只是个时间问题，与空间没有太大关系？个人观点。楼主从哪里看到此观点，还望将其出处告知在下)When we try to understand the origin of human, comprehend all kinds of wars and significant events that happen in history, history can be great helpful.(你原先的话，语意不连贯，我改着改着不知怎么将句子变成了时间状语从句，似作为时间状语从句又少一部分，因此我加了一句话)

People say it is wise and useful to look back to history because we learn the lessons from the past. What’s more, men can find solutions from history to solve their problems at hands. And this is what English cannot provide for me. But learning English makes me understand other civilizations and customs far away from me, far away from where I live, far away from where I has been raised, and far away from where I has been educated. It especially and predominately riches my knowledge, opens my mind to the outside world and the other culture, principally the western culture. Learning English is not easy and it needs persistence and patience, but it is just like a tool, once you master it well, it can be pretty practical and helpful for you to communicate with English-speaking people.
However, history can’t be used as a language. So the methods for learning English and studying history are difference. For example, we need to practice speaking English as often as we can, while learning history, we need to read more related extracurricular books t to fulfill our further understandings.
后记：不知楼主是高中生，还是大学生。改楼主的文章整整花了我一小时四十分钟，这可能与我是第一次修改文章有关。这使我想起了老师，要修改那么多文章，也真不是件易事，但是话回来，谁让我是为了200分的奖励，同时也是为了巩固我的英语知识呢，谁让老师是为了拿那不菲的工资呢。本人英语水平有限，有些地方可能会有一些小错误，到时还要请楼主谅解。
对了，本人有一句话，要送楼主，如果楼主是大学生的话，真应该好好补习一下英语。楼主不妨从海明威的小说读起。当然楼主确定将来不从事与英语有关的工作，那也没必要将时间花费在英语上。如果楼主是高中生的话，楼主应好好找个老师补习一下语法，因为英语的语法，在高中时段已经学了个七七八八。

Answer 2

主要是动词用法……我直接改了你的内容，请楼主对照你原来的和我的括号里的原因看。

Starting from Grade 5 in primary school, I began to learn English（一句话只能有一个动词，所以不是start是starting，而且写时间的时候一般是写更精确的然后才是大范围的，所以不是"from primary school, in the grade of 5"而是"Grade 5 in primary school"）. It has been really a long time until now （你要说的是到现在已经很久了吧？我觉得用has been比较好，而且"long time ago, until now"听起来别扭）, I still am devoted to （用sink是说沉迷于么，英文好像没这种表达法，应该是"be devoted to"） English study since I chose English to be my major in university. （我不想改变你的原意所以没改，但这是个逻辑上的问题。好像不是因为你选了英语作专业所以依旧喜欢英语，而是你依旧喜欢英语才选那个专业吧？）On the other hand, as for history, I took it as a professional course for just 3 years. （比较用"on the other hand"比"while"好，这不算语法错误，只是习惯问题）However, history can stimulate my interest and it really teaches me a lot. （英语里不可以用"but"来开始一句话，可以用however,）

History helps me to broaden my horizon （这个视野能用"horizon"吗？这是比较中文的思考方法，英文里好像没这样的说法，建议改为View.）. Moreover, history takes me to travel the world. It helps me appreciate and understand human society and its development through time and space, especially when trying to understand the origin of human and to comprehend all kinds of wars and significant events that happen in history.（原句太长了，英语一般一句话不会超过一个转折词至多两个，我跟你三成三句了。我不知道国内怎么要求的，但是我上英文课的时候，我的老师说这是语法错误，叫"run on sentence"） People say it is wise and useful to look back to history and learn the lesson from the past. What’s more, man can find solutions in history to settle their problem at hands. This is, however, what English cannot provide me. However，（不能以"But"起头）learning English, on the other hand, makes me understand other civilization and customs that seems very far away from me, far from where I live ,where I has been raised, where（是where不是what吧？不能说far away from what I has been educated） I has been educated. It especially and predominately enriches （应该用enriches而不是riches） my knowledge, open my mind to the world outside （我觉得"the world outside"比"the outside world"更顺耳，虽然中文习惯反之） and the other culture, principally the western culture.

Learning English is not that easy since it needs persistence and patience. It is just like a tool. Once you master it well, it can be very （原来用的是pretty，语法上没错，但是不够书面语） practical and helpful for you to communicate with English-speaking people. （又是一个长句子，我跟你分成三句了） However, history can’t be used as a language in communication. Therefore, there are different methods to learn English and history. （和"but"一样，"so"也不能起头，要用"therefore"）For example, we need to practice speaking English as often as we can, while when learning history, we need to read more extra books that relate to history to fulfill our further understandings.

总体来说真的写得很不错，没有低级错误，很厉害哦。主要是转折上的问题，"But"和"so"不能起头。
还有就是长句有点多了。有些词用得不是很恰当（有点直接中翻英但英文里没那种说法）。时态上一会过去一会现在，这个最好同意一下，一般是用现在时。

但是总体上来说真的很厉害，因为你犯的错误都很“高级”，国内很少讲，我也是出国以后上完英文课才知道的。佩服个！

其他的建议就是看到结尾才知道你要表达的是英语和历史的教学应该相符相承。建议开头就点名这个主题，然后结尾最好conclude一下。

Answer 3

Starting from primary school, in the grade of 5,I had began to learn English. It was really a long time .until now, I still sink into English study so I chose English to be my major in university. While for history, I had learned it as a professional course for only 3 years. history can stimulate my interest and it really teaches a lot.
首先，你用了start而没有主语，这是不对的。我猜你是要表达“我在小学五年级就开始学英语了“的意思，也就是说你想用时间状语，所以把start改成了starting作状语。
后面的I began……是说我就开始学英语了，字里行间有个强调完成的意思，所以我用了完成时。
Ago我给去掉了，句子已经完整，加ago没有这么说的。
后面的句子是不是有逻辑错误呢？我沉浸在英语之中是因为我选了英语专业，还是我沉浸在英语中，所以我选择了英语专业呢？我觉得应该是前因后果吧。你再考虑一下。
Learned 改成 have learned跟前面的错误是began的错误是一样的。
专业课应该是professional course.用subject不是惯常说法。
去掉but。前后没有转折关系
History helps me broaden my horizon and take me to travel around the world。I can appreciate and understand society and human’s development through time and space, especially when I try to understand the origin of human and to comprehend all kinds of wars and significant events that happen in history. People say it is wise and useful to look back to history and learn the lesson from the past. What’s more, man can find solutions in history to settle their problem at hands. This is, however, what English cannot provide. But learning English, on the other hand, makes me understand other civilization and customs that seems very far away from me, far from where I live ,where I has been raised, what I has been educated. It enrichs my knowledge, open my mind to the outside world and the other culture, especially the western culture.
第二段你的构思非常好，但表达不清楚。你的长句应用的并不好，尤其是and用的太多。首先help sb do sth，所以把broaden前面的to去掉。或者你可以直接用history can broaden my horizon 显得更简洁。下面为了忠实原文又减少点and 我把句子分成了两句。从people之后的句子还是很好的，没什么毛病也很漂亮。只有最后的两个副词用的不好。Enrich前的两个副词都用的不合适，我直接去了。后面的principally还不如用especially.

Learning English is not that easy and it needs persistence and patience.it is just like a tool, once you master it well, it can be pretty practical and helpful for you to communicate with English-speaker，but history can not. So there are different methods to learn English and history. For example, we need to practice speaking English as often as we can, while when learning history, we need to read more extra books that relate to history to fulfill our further understandings.
第一句学英语需要坚持不懈和耐心，和它可以作为工具不是转折关系，显然but用的很生硬。也是出于忠实原文，我把它分成两句。English speaker 将英语的人，固定搭配。后面用history和english对比不用再赘述上面的话，所以直接用can not 就可以了。这个属于语文问题了，呵呵。

总的来说还可以，小毛病多，学得不扎实！多读多说，有语感就好了。

Answer 4

I have been studying english since the 5th grade. (何必拖泥带水.一句话就行)it's really a long time. Now i chose english as my major, so i have to sink myself into english studying. But(不能用while,while是连词,必须连接句子)for history,which can stimulate my interests and teaches a lost, i just learned it as a profeesional subject for 3 years. (用定语从句更好)
History helps me (to是多余的)broaden my horizon,makes(take sb to do sth是汉语) me travel all over the world, appreciate and understand human society and its development through time and space, especially when i try to understand the origin of human and to comprehend all kinds of wars and significant events that happened(过去式) in history(when trying, try的形式主语必须是人).As we all know(不要使用汉语式英语) it is wise and useful to look back at(不要用to) history and learn the lessons(复数) from the past. What’s more, man can find solutions in history to their problems(复数) at hand(固定用法).(此句拖泥带水)This is, however, what English cannot provide for me(provide sth for sb). But learning English, on the other hand, makes me understand other civilizations(复数) and customs that seem(复数谓语)far away from me, far from where I live ,where I has been raised, and what I has been educated.(a,b,c and d) It especially and predominately riches my knowledge, opens(单数谓语) my mind to the outside world and the other cultures(复数), especially(更合适) the western cultures(复数).
Learning English is not that easy and it needs persistence and patience.However as a tool, once you master it well, it can be pretty practical and helpful for you to communicate with English-speakers.(此句拖泥带水) Contrast to english, history can’t be used as a language in communication. So there are different methods to learn English and history. For example, we need to practice speaking English as often as we can, while when learning history, we need to read more (extra 多余)books that relate to history to develop(fulfill用法错误) our further understandings.

Answer 5

Start-starting
It was really a long time ago, （until now,）省略，因为没必要

I still sink into English study- I have been submerged in English learning

since I chose English to be my major-to be 改为as

in university. -at university

While for history, I learned -have learned

it as a professional subject just 3 years.

it really teaches a lot. -teaches us a lot

takes me to travel the world-allows ne to ...

that happen -happened

settle their problem -problems

what English cannot provide me.-me后加with

other civilization and customs that seems -seem

where I has been raised,-have been brought up

what I has been educated.--have been educated for

It especially and predominately riches -enriches

my knowledge, open my mind -opens

and the other culture, -and other cultures

principally the western culture.-,especially

while when learning history,-while或when去掉一个

we need to read more extra books that relate --that are related to history

to fulfill our further understandings.--to perfect...
既然是学英语的，我想就不用说明原因了，总之写的还不错啦