急！！！求英语笑话带翻译的，三到五分钟，两个人对话的，初二水平，谢谢！

Answer 1

1、周而复始
老王在树下休息，老李走过来对他说：“嗨，为什么不去上山砍柴？” 老王说：“砍柴干什么？” 老李说：“好卖钱啊。卖到钱就可以买驴，再沿家挨户卖柴。挣了钱就再 买卡车，然后买木厂卖木 器，再买更多的卡车，那样就可以发大财了。” 老王问：“发了财干什么？” 老李答：“发了财就可 以逍遥自在地享清福嘛。” 老王说：“那你以为我现在在干什么？”
1, round and round
Lao wang rested under the tree, Lao li came up and said, "hey, why not go up the hill cutting wood?" Pharaoh said: "cut wood stem what?" Lao li said: "good money! Sold into money can buy a donkey, then along home door-to-door selling wood. Zheng money will buy trucks, and then buy wood factory sells wooden ware, buy more trucks, so that you can be really rich." The old king: "fortune"? Lao li answer: "fortune can be to free and unfettered freely do well." Pharaoh said, "that you think I doing now?"

2、甲鱼风波
甲鱼又叫团鱼或鳖，俗称王八。味鲜美，价昂贵。“吃的不买，买的不吃”， 实乃高级礼品，公关丑 星。 某乡派数人携众鳖入城进贡。因其重量不同，又须按“职”分配，为免差错计，故将官 号写于纸上，贴于鳖背。 ……至机关干部住宅楼前，天已晚。不料竹篓倾覆，众甲鱼乘暮色争相逃命，乡人一片 惊呼：“赵局长”跑啦!——那个块头最大的。 快抓住“钱处长”——小心它咬手。 那墙角里黑乎乎的，莫非是“孙科长”?“李秘书”个头小，爬得快，怕是找不到了。
2, turtle storm
Turtle and call TuanYu or turtle, commonly known as the tortoise. Taste delicious, the price is expensive. "Eat not to buy, buy the do not eat", solid senior gifts, pr ugly stars. MouXiang sent several people join the turtle into town tribute. Because of its different weights, and must according to "responsibility" distribution, in order to avoid mistakes plan, therefore, JiangGuan written in paper, stick at turtle's back. ... To government cadres residential against the building, it is late. Behold, all the turtle piggy overthrown by the dusk scramble to flee for life, XiangRen a exclaimed, "zhao chief" run! The bigger the biggest. - Catch "money director" - be careful it bites the hand. The corner of the mariposa rushed, murphy is "Samson section chief"? "Secretary li"'s smaller, climb quickly, afraid that I can't find it.

3、迟了
在地铁里，一位男子发现扒手正在掏他的钱包，便幽默地说： “老兄，你来晚了！我今天虽然领 了薪水，但我太太下手比你快 多了！”
3, late
In the subway, a man found pickpocket is cutting his wallet, and humorously said: "man, you came to night! I today although took salary, but my wife lay more quickly than you!"

4、情书
小伙子在给女朋友的信中写到：“爱你爱得如此之深， 以至愿为你赴汤蹈火。星期六如不下雨，我一定来。
4, love letter
Guy in the letters to his girlfriend wrote: "love your love so much, that would like to give you go through hell. On Saturday as it does not rain, I'll come.

5、无理抱怨
两个人一起吃饭，只有两条鱼，一大一小。一位先把大 的吃了，另一位勃然大怒。”多不合适！”他抱怨说。”怎 么了？”另一位问。”你吃掉了那条大的，如果我是你就不 会这样做。””你会怎 样呢？””我当然是先吃小的。”” 那好哇，你抱怨什么，那条小鱼不是还在那里吗！”
5 and irrational complain
Two people eat together, only two fish, a great and a small. A first big eat, another flew into a rage. "Not more suitable!" He complains. "How yao?" Another asked. "You ate that big, if I were you, I would not do so." "How would you like?" "Of course I is first eat small." "That good, you complained, the fish is still there!"

6、为您保密
甲：”这件事我只告诉你一人，请你千万为我保密。" 乙：”放心，不但我要为你保密，我还要告诉大家都来为你保密。”
6, for your confidential
A: "this matter I just tell you one person, you must the secret for me." B: "trust, not only I want secret for you, I will tell everybody to be secret for you."

7、擦玻璃
父亲走进儿子的房间，夸奖道：干得好，儿子！窗户又干净又明亮，你是用肥皂水擦的吗？ 儿子：没有，爸爸，我用的是锤子。
7, wipe glass
Father entered the son's room, praise, way: well done, son! The window and clean and bright, you are using soap water wipe? Son: no, dad, I am using a sledgehammer.

8、开学
小学开学了，刚满6岁的冬冬不肯到学校上学。妈妈向冬冬解释，小朋友满6岁就要去上学，一直到15岁。最后冬冬终于在书桌前坐下来，满含热泪地问：等我15岁的时候，您会记得来接我吗？
8, opening
Elementary school begins, just over 6 years old of winter winter will not come to school. Mother to dongdong explanation, children with 6 years old shall go to school, until 15 years old. Last winter winter finally before desk sat down and full of tears to ask: when I was 15, you will remember pick me up?

Answer 2

in the lift （在电梯里）two men, one is a Chinese (maybe), another is an American
the Chinese man steps on American's feet, then
CM: I am sorry.
AM: I am sorry, too.
CM: I am sorry ,three.
AM: What are you sorry for?
CM: I am sorry five.

追问

能长一点吗？谢谢！