英语搞笑（要特别搞笑）三人对话

Question

时间大概3分钟多一点，最好离谱点的！大恩不言谢了！！

Answer 1

《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）
Source: 2007-03-30 12:03:58 恒星英语学习网 Favorite Wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.
L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
and……
JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’mback!
LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.Lookatyourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
andtellhim.(下)
L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅
铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand
robthewedding!
A&B:Goodidea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.
B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
B:AndIplantedonetree.
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
J:Giveusallyourmoney!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money

白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本

旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.

白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)

皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!

魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know?

皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?

魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.

皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.

http://www.hxen.com/yingyujuben/ 这个网站全是,,自己选,我可是长了半天,,兑现你的承诺,回报我吧:)

Answer 2

This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses．
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness．
“There are not！” snapped the lawyer．
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife？”