帮忙修改一下这篇英语作文，谢谢

Question

The story mianly tells us the writer change himself and he is not a person who he used to be after he had a gap year and he learnt a lot from that year.
from my point of view,i strongly in favor of teenager who just graduated form senior high school should experience a gap year .The reason for this may be listed as follow. First of all ,teenagers had just gone through the examination which was in relation to all one's life ,may in need of reducing pressure and doing what he want to . What' more ,not only can traveller expand their horizon ,but teenares gain social knowledge as soon as possible .Last but not least ,it is necessary for teenaers to seek for his dream and realize what he want to be in the future .
As for me ,Beijing was the first place i hope to go sightseeing and eventuallu i realize my dream in summer holiday . The place of interests appeal to me owing to its history and storys,and i suddenly know that everything woule change and go forth step by step if you don't change youself .I am convinced that i coule create a better world. i showed great enthusiam of every challenge i face after that tour
希望英语好的同志帮忙改一下，包括单词，语法，句式用法，希望可以多给意见和修改方法。本人是准高三了，但英语一直不好，经历过高考的同志给一点英语学习意见和方法，特别是语法填空和作文

Answer 1

The story mianly tells us the writer changed himself by having a gap year. As a result, he is no longer the person who he used to be and he learnt a lot during that year.
From my point of view,I argue that graduted senior students should experience a gap year .The reasons are listed below. First of all ,teenagers has just gone through the examination which was relevant to their lives, so they definitely ineed to release pressure.Lastly ,it is necessary for teenaers to discover their dreams and realize what career they belong to.
As for me , I have been dreaming about visiting Beijing for years and eventually i made it in last summer holiday . This place appealed me owing to its history.Suddenly i understood that everything would change and move forward step by step if you do not change youself .I believe that i can build a better world. i showed great enthusiam to every challenge i faced after that tour.

一些建议，形容一段时期之中使用DURING而不是FROM。句子长必须是不得不长，否则尽可能使用词组或者词汇代替。定语从句一定要画龙点睛，而不是充篇用来堆砌~当你确定了就不要用MAY BE之类的词汇。IS/ARE就很好~单复数前后保持一致，包括加S，语法格.最重要的一点，当你用英语进行写作，你必须去思考是否一个外国人会这样说，这样说是不是自然，是不是喧宾夺主。其中，What is more ,not only can traveller expand their horizon ,but teenagers gain social knowledge as soon as possible 这句话我没看懂，也没推测出你想表达的。就暂时删除了哈~还有，你去北京的时候为什么会发出如果我不改变，所有事物都前进的感慨。。。纯手工，希望采纳。

Answer 2

第一行who后面的he去掉，第三行在teenager后面加s，记住可数名词在句子中一定是前面加冠词或者变复数 第六行traveller后加s 第七行teenagers写错了 第二段最后一句话把teenagers改成a teenage 注意人称单复数前后一致 第三段第一句不知道想表达什么意思

注意单复数的变化，作文要写的有层次，这点你写的还不错
语法方面有时候也跟语感有关，没事多读英语的短文，课文也行，读出声，一定要多读，就会有语感

Answer 3

我用Ginger修改的，里面所有的错单词，语法我没看。
The story mainly tells us the writer change himself and
he is not a person who he used to be.
After he had a gap year and he learnt a lot from that year.
From my point of view, I strongly in favor of a teenager who just graduated from senior high
school should experience a gap year .The reason for this may be listed as follows.
First of all , teenagers had just gone through the examination which was in
relation to all one's life , may in need of reducing pressure and doing what he want to . What's more , not only can
travelers expand their horizon , but teenagers gain social knowledge as soon as
possible .Last but not least , it is necessary for teenagers seek for his dream
and realize what he want to be in the future .
As for me , Beijing
was the first place I hope to go
sightseeing and eventually I realize my dream in the summer holiday . The place
of interests appeal to me owing to its history and story, and I suddenly know
that everything would change and go forth step by step if you don't change yourself
.I am convinced that I could create a better world. I showed great enthusiasm
of every challenge I face after that tour.

Answer 4

真的，你英语果然很有问题，首段动词没有用过去式，第二段应该是l am in favor of 等等…错误太多，而且长句少用，显的繁琐！我高考作文满分，希望能帮助你…加我吧！903532807

Answer 5

这篇作文是以Knowledgeable的身份写给一个叫梅的人的朋友的回信，同学们希望这一段我觉得可以稍微改动一下Then you should tell Mei to go to parties