帮忙修改一篇英语作文

Question

Good afternoon, everyone. My topic is automobiles and air pollution.

First of all, the root causes and the main sources of air pollution is transportation, especially large numbers of automobiles. They produce huge amounts of waste gases into the atmosphere, include carbon dioxide二氧化碳, carbon monoxide一氧化碳, oxynitride氮氧化合物 and oxysulfide硫氧化物 and so on.

The air pollution is destroying the conditions that we depend on. Lots of carbon dioxide is causing the greenhouse effect, oxysulfide is causing the acid rain酸雨, carbon monoxide and oxynitride are damaging our bodies directly. The greenhouse effect is warming up the world, which means the ice at the south and north pole will melt融化. The land which is located near the oceans will disappear and it’s a terrible catastrophe大灾难.

Acid rain will make the water polluted, then the life in the water such as the fish will get sick and end up with dying死亡, and the plants which give us clean air will be killed the same. Obviously acid rain will enormously destory the ecological system生态系统.

Finally, we must solve the problem of air pollution. First, we can go by bike or take underground instead of driving a car if we want to go out. The government should make some policies. For example, ask the private cars to drive on even days偶数天 or odd days奇数天. The second, we should plant more trees because plants and trees can produce the fresh air. It’s good for our health and environment. The third, to design and develop clean cars and clean fuels. Such in Beijing and Shanghai some of the public buses begin to run on natural gas or electricity, which does not give off as much carbon dioxide as the petrol汽油. On the whole, the elimination消除 of air pollution needs the collective集体(的) efforts from the government, the public and the environmentalists环保人士.

Thanks for listening.

Answer 1

Good afternoon, everyone.
添加开场白：I feel very much honored to have a chance to make a speech here.
My topic is Automobiles and Air Pollution.

First of all, the root causes and the main sources of air pollution is transportation, especially large numbers of automobiles. (主语长但谓语部分短，有些头重脚轻，最好倒过来说：traffic transportation[交通工具], especially large numbers of automobiles, is the root causes and the main sources of air pollution. [另加traffic是为了和后面的automobiles更为合理] ) They produce huge amounts of waste gases into the atmosphere, include (including [不可以直接用动词原形include，分词短语才可以用作补充说明]) carbon dioxide二氧化碳, carbon monoxide一氧化碳, oxynitride氮氧化合物 and oxysulfide硫氧化物 and so on.

The [定冠词多余，这里的污染应该是泛指一切污染，而非特定的污染] air pollution is destroying the conditions that we depend on. Lots of carbon dioxide is causing the greenhouse effect, oxysulfide is causing the acid rain酸雨, carbon monoxide and oxynitride are damaging our bodies directly. The greenhouse effect is warming up the world, which means (means是否改为suggests[暗示着/让人想到]耕地到一些) the ice at the south and north pole (两个不同的极点不能共用一个冠词，改为the south and the north pole) will melt融化. The land which is located near the oceans will disappear and it’s a terrible catastrophe. （以下修辞建议供参考：catastrophe是名词，而it是泛指情况的非人称代词，用作表语是指这种情况本身是场大灾难，句子本身无可非议，但改为it’s getting terribly catastrophic[情况越来越成为灾难性的不幸]似乎更妥。）

Acid rain will make the（冠词去掉，意见同上）water polluted, then the life （改为lives，因为水中有各种生命）in the （冠词去掉） water such as the （冠词去掉）fish will get sick and end up with dying（dying是形容词，不能用作介词宾语，另外语义也不明，去掉with直接用dying one after another作原因状语，即由于一个接一个死去而灭绝）,and the plants which give us clean air will be killed the same （as fish）. Obviously acid rain will enormously destroy the ecological system生态系统.

Finally, we must solve the problem of air pollution. First, we can go by bike or take underground instead of driving a car if we want to go out. The government should make some policies. For example, ask the private cars to drive on even days偶数天 or odd days奇数天. The second, we should plant more trees because plants and trees can produce the fresh air. It’s good for our health and environment. (be good for sb. doing sth. 表示某人做某事有好处，for sb.是doing逻辑主语；而be good to sth.意思是对某事物有好处) The third, to design and develop clean cars and clean fuels（句子不完整，缺主语，改为we should design…）. Such （去掉such）in Beijing and Shanghai some of the public buses begin to run on natural gas or electricity, which does not give off as much carbon dioxide as the petrol汽油. On the whole, the elimination消除 of air pollution needs the collective集体(的) efforts from the government, the public and the environmentalists环保人士.

Answer 2

还行，内容可以加一点。

Answer 3

很不错