英语作文 求详细评改

Question

作文题目
最近，自主招生很受学生家长的欢迎，也引起很多讨论。请你根据下表，并结合自己的看法，写一篇短文：

自主招生

好处

1、给学生多提供了一次上好大学的机会；
2、给大学增加一个挑选学生的方法；
3、该政策鼓励学生全面发展，有助于减少高考压力；

坏处

1、许多人会利用权利和金钱帮助孩子，对其它孩子不公平；
2、完全是浪费时间和金钱，不值得。

你的看法

1、……
2、……

要求：1、开头已经写好，不计入总词数；
2、要有个人观点，不能逐字翻译；
3、字数：150左右。
词汇：independent enrollment 自主招生 overall development 全面发展
These days, independent enrollment is becoming more and more popular.（括号前为它的作文提示，括号后是我写的） As every sword has two sides, it could bring both advantages and diadvantages. Independent enrollment could choose excellent students for universities. It provides a second opportunity for students to go to a famous university. It also reduce students burden of the college entrance examination. The other side is that independent enrollment is not easy. It’s possible that you have been busy on it for long but at last failed. Not only did it reduce your regular time for revision, but also could affect your mood a lot. A bad mood and a inadequate revision are not good for the college entrance examination. I think that students who get good grades and have confidence in their abilities should have a try. If we can balance the time between independent enrollment and studies, why don’t we take a chance? In turn, if you are even not ready for the college entrance exam, you’d better not take independent enrollment, as things can’t always perfect and your energy is limited.
以上是我写的 请提供详细批改 包括
短语用得不对的地方 语法错误 低级错误
更高级的句型 润色的建议
作为高考作文不足之处
和优秀文章的差距
谢谢！

Answer 1

你写得没什么大错，就看见一小处：as things can’t always *be* perfect。另外最好是cannot。
帮你写了几句如下，供你参考：
.... In addition to the general college entrance examination, independent enrollment provides a second source for universities to select talented students, as well as an additional path for really able students going to famous universities. More importantly, by allowing universities to design their own tests, independent enrollment promotes the overall development of students. And meanwhile, it reduces students' stress of entrance examination. However, potential side effects of independent enrollment also exist, and careful consideration must be taken. ....